I remember when I first had my son, I was so excited about watching him grow and achieve all his milestones, that I did not realize I had fallen into a pattern of always anticipating the “next”. I remember wondering when he would start sitting up on his own, and by the time he did, I was already looking forward to when he would start crawling. As soon as he started crawling, I was already thinking about when he would start walking. As a mother, I always want to ensure my son is growing and developing properly but it took me a while to realize that while it was good for me to look forward to the “next stage”, I was not fully enjoying the present stage that he was in. I was not stopping to observe, cherish and enjoy his current stage as much as I could.

This pattern of anticipating the next seemed to revolve around different aspects of his growth even beyond his physical milestones. When I finally caught myself in that pattern, I relaxed my anticipation for the “next” and allowed myself to be fully present in his “here and now”. I realized the best gift I could give to my son for his future was not to worry or be so overly concerned, rather it was to be present to his current realities, pray for him, continue to learn and develop my intentional parenting skills while observing and enjoying his current stage and transitions.

As I continue to self-reflect over the years, I have found that this anticipation or looking to the “next” sometimes shows up in other aspects of my life. Whether it be personal, relational or professional milestones, I am sometimes so focused on what the next step, next stage etc., should be that I miss out on fully absorbing what is happening in my present stage or season. I remember being in that loop of thinking about the “next” a while ago when my thoughts were suddenly interrupted by the reality that my current season is actually an answer to prayers from my past season and while I was so hung up on the “next stage”, I was missing out on the opportunity to see how far I have come, be grateful for where I currently am and more importantly, understand what the current season is trying to teach me or build in me.

I think many of us may have found ourselves in situations and seasons where we are so concerned about the “next”. A lot of times, this may be because our current season feels so unpleasant or uncomfortable that we are continually trying to “escape” that season or it may be due to expectations and projections we have about what our current stage or season is supposed to be.

While it is good to plan for the future and live with the hope and expectation of a “better tomorrow”, it is also necessary that we are able to stay present in our current seasons. This is because even when a season feels difficult, God is often using that season to build a certain character in us or increase our capacity for the next season. So, if we are not attuned to our current season, we can miss out on what God is doing in us or we can end up prolonging that season because we are not intentionally partnering with God on the growth and transformation He is trying to work in us or the lessons He is trying to teach us.

When we are unable to embrace our current season, we miss out on the “wisdom” of that season. We can also end up living in a cycle of worry, anxiety and the feeling of disappointment. Another reason to embrace our seasons is because life happens in stages and if we do not systematically build one stage on top of the other, we may get to a point where we find that there’s a lot of malformation in us or we may despise our seemingly small stages and not understand that they are the foundation for the “big stages” we are hoping to attain in life.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 puts it so succinctly, there is a season for everything in life, and a time for every purpose. If we do not know what season we are in, we can end up living life out of alignment. We can end up trying to “speak up” when God is trying to mold us through a season of “keeping silent”, we can end up frustrated looking for the “summer heat” when we should be learning how to adapt and thrive in the “winter cold” or vice versa.

To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven

Ecclesiastes 3:1

It is important to remember that no matter how small or insignificant we may think the progress or reality of our current season looks like, it is leading up to days of significant manifestations. So, like Zechariah 4:10 says, we must ensure that we do not despise the days and seasons of little beginnings.

Embracing our seasons means we trust God’s timing for our lives and work in partnership with Him to fulfill His will for us in every season of our lives. It does not mean we become complacent and refuse to press in for more, rather it means we learn the joy of contentment and gratitude for our current season while knowing that our times and seasons are held securely in God’s hands. Daniel 2:21 says; “And He changes the times and the seasons; He removes kings and raises up kings; He gives wisdom to the wise, and knowledge to those who have understanding.”

And He changes the times and the seasons; He removes kings and raises up kings; He gives wisdom to the wise, and knowledge to those who have understanding.

Daniel 2:21

If we learn to look at our current season with the perspective that even when it does not look like what we want or expect, God’s wisdom is at work to teach, shape and mold us, we can embrace our seasons and know that when the time for a shift comes, we would be ready and thoroughly prepared for it.

Although choosing to stay the same might look easier, but eventually when life gets you to a point where the pain of staying the same becomes too great, you will have no choice but to change, grow and transform. At that point your life, your survival, your future, even your generations to come depend on it.

You will be squeezed, crushed, turned, twisted, marred, reduced, expanded and then “kicked out” of that place you’ve settled in, because the butterfly needs to emerge out of the caterpillar.

The reason we dread change so much is not that we do not want to transform, to upgrade to a higher level of ourselves and to move to the next level of ourselves and our lives. It is the darkness and uncertainty we fear, the limbo, the in-between, the transition when nothing makes sense, where everything is unfamiliar, uncomfortable and unexplainable.

So we keep aborting the process, we take steps forward, thinking we would go straight from one level to another, so when instead of solid ground after lifting our legs from the lower level, we find ourselves in this space that seems like a vacuum, where sometimes it feels like you’re free falling, and other times it feels like you’re being sucked in by quicksand, we run.

A lot of us run out of that space, out of the limbo, out of the transition and back into the comfort of where we were coming from, into the life and pain we are familiar with, even when we know our time in that place, space, mindset, thought process, pain etc has long expired.

We then do the cowardly thing to do, we negotiate downwards with ourselves, we look at the familiarity, and list off all the reasons why we should stick to the comfortable or familiar zone we know, even when it is threatening our lives, future and purpose, though we don’t call it “sticking to the comfort or familiar zone”, we call it “common sense” to feel justified in our decision to stay down there.

The reason we dread change so much is not that we do not want to transform…it is the darkness and uncertainty we fear, the limbo, the in-between, the transition when nothing makes sense…

Common sense is necessary to make daily decisions and go through life as properly as we can, but at this point, we are not exercising common sense, we are implicating common sense and making it a cover up for “coward sense.”

A lot of us do not do this downward negotiation consciously, it is usually the subconscious that is doing it and making that decision for us.

That’s why self awareness is so important, you must get to know yourself intimately, spend time in quietness observing your mind work, spend time reflecting and introspecting, so your conscious mind is aware to an extent of what your subconscious is doing.

When you choose to consciously engage with the transition process, when you understand that like the corn, the darkness and discomfort of the transition is necessary, that the seed might die and rise up as multiple cobs of corn, when you trust that it is in the darkness you discover the light you need to navigate through life, and in the uncertainty, you learn the power of faith that can move anything, you make the process a bit tolerable and you are able to withstand the shocks and adversities that must come as you make your way through.

Let this truth be your comfort through the process; that it will end, that the wilderness is for a season, and that on the other side of every painful or tough transformation process is power, beauty and a dimension of thinking, processing, seeing and doing that you would not have known existed where you were before.

Common sense is necessary to make daily decisions and go through life as properly as we can, but at this point, we are not exercising common sense, we are implicating common sense and making it a cover up for “coward sense.”

The process is hard, painful and can be mind bending but the product, the result, the change in your mindset, the metamorphosis in your beliefs, the increase in your capacity, the courage to dare dream and demand bigger from life, the expansion and flexibility in your thought process, the ability of your mind, the strength of your spirit, the deep rooted confidence and unshakable faith you acquire, the recreation of your entire inner being,

Especially the scars, each one of them represents courage, resilience through the process and wisdom that arises from the journey. Those scars eventually become polished and shine like stars.

When you choose to consciously engage with the transition process…you make the process a bit tolerable and you are able to withstand the shocks and adversities that must come as you make your way through.

So when growth comes knocking, answer its call.

You will know it is growth calling because it will demand of you a level of trust and courage you’ve not had hitherto, and if you don’t answer its call, it will only keep knocking until the pain of remaining the same, of staying where you are eventually becomes unbearable because;

The “legs of the caterpillar” must give way for the “wings of the butterfly.”

The process is hard, painful and can be mind bending but…everything on the other side of the process is beautiful, even the scars you acquired in the process…each one of them represents courage, resilience through the process and wisdom that arises from the journey.

Elizabeth A. Ibiloye.

#musingsofelizabeth 
#embracechange
#transformation
#metamorphosis 
#growth