I don’t eat out often but when I do go to a particular restaurant, one of the things I enjoy is their bread rolls. While you are still perusing their menu, the waiters bring these baskets of hot bread rolls and butter to your table. The baskets are usually endless and you can keep requesting for more bread rolls till your food arrives.

What usually happens when I go to this restaurant is that by the time my food arrives, I have eaten quite a bit of the bread rolls such that I no longer have much space in my stomach for the main course. This means that I usually have to take most of my uneaten meal back home in a “to-go” box.

I immediately refrigerate my meal when I get home, and reheat it at a later time when I want to eat it. Of course, the reheated food never tastes as nice as when I was eating it fresh in the restaurant, and sometimes I actually end up not eating all of the food I brought back home.

Recently, I was thinking about how this scenario can apply to our relationship with God. Our relationship with God can be likened to the main course that contains all the substance and nutrition we need to fill and sustain us. However, a lot of us have “bread rolls” that we fill up on which limits the space in our lives for the “main course”. Too often, we stuff ourselves with the “bread rolls” of social media, entertainment, people’s opinions, work, personal ambitions, other relationships etc., and become too full for what should be the most important part of our lives-our relationship with God.

We were created by God and our walk with God should be at the center of our life. When we prioritize God, we set ourselves up for success in other areas of our lives. The more time we spend with God, the more His essence and nature rubs off on us. We are transformed to the extent that we make space for God in our lives.

Some of us complain that we do not have enough time to pray, study our Bible, spend time in worship and fellowship with God but I wonder if the issue is that we really do not have the time, or that we have allowed other things take priority. Rather than start our day in prayer and filling up on the Word of God, we open up our various social media apps and become filled with “junk”. Then, we hurriedly mumble some words of prayers and go about our day.

Just like the bread rolls cannot nourish us properly, and reheated food does not taste as fresh, we cannot receive the best possible benefit of a relationship with God when we have other priorities before God. If we do not make the voice of God the loudest in our lives, we run the risk of allowing ourselves to be unstable and tossed about by people’s opinions and societal ideologies.

Jesus Christ made it clear said in the scriptures that love for God must be our priority!

…You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. Matthew 22:37-38 NLT

God is our source and so He must be our sustainer. In John 15: 4-8, Jesus explains that our relationship with God is the only way we can bear fruit. He further explains that we can find ourselves cast away when we do not take care to ensure we are abiding in Him. Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me. I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing. If anyone does not abide in Me, he is cast out as a branch and is withered; and they gather them and throw them into the fire, and they are burned. If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, you will ask what you desire, and it shall be done for you. By this My Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit; so you will be My disciples. John 15:4-8 NKJV

Our relationship with God cannot be treated like left-over food in a to-go box to be consumed when we “feel like”. You cannot be one leg in and one leg out with God, you must be all in! This will require an intentional restructuring of routines and habits to ensure that God takes precedence. Like junk food, we may enjoy the taste and appeal of the bread rolls but they harm us more than do us good. This is why a lot of us remain spiritually malnourished and weak! Lack of proper spiritual nutrition is why we don’t have the spiritual stamina required to overcome temptations and surmount the challenges of life.

Remember, it is “the people who know their God (that) shall be strong and carry out great exploits” (Daniel 11:32b). Similarly, “those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint.” (Isaiah 40:31)

Our ability to be who God truly created us to be is dependent on how much of Him we know and have. We must stop allowing other things encroach into the space that God should occupy in our lives.

God is calling us into a deeper walk with Him and is ever ready to fill us up with Himself.

The question is are you ready to stop eating too many “bread rolls”?

I remember when I first had my son, I was so excited about watching him grow and achieve all his milestones, that I did not realize I had fallen into a pattern of always anticipating the “next”. I remember wondering when he would start sitting up on his own, and by the time he did, I was already looking forward to when he would start crawling. As soon as he started crawling, I was already thinking about when he would start walking. As a mother, I always want to ensure my son is growing and developing properly but it took me a while to realize that while it was good for me to look forward to the “next stage”, I was not fully enjoying the present stage that he was in. I was not stopping to observe, cherish and enjoy his current stage as much as I could.

This pattern of anticipating the next seemed to revolve around different aspects of his growth even beyond his physical milestones. When I finally caught myself in that pattern, I relaxed my anticipation for the “next” and allowed myself to be fully present in his “here and now”. I realized the best gift I could give to my son for his future was not to worry or be so overly concerned, rather it was to be present to his current realities, pray for him, continue to learn and develop my intentional parenting skills while observing and enjoying his current stage and transitions.

As I continue to self-reflect over the years, I have found that this anticipation or looking to the “next” sometimes shows up in other aspects of my life. Whether it be personal, relational or professional milestones, I am sometimes so focused on what the next step, next stage etc., should be that I miss out on fully absorbing what is happening in my present stage or season. I remember being in that loop of thinking about the “next” a while ago when my thoughts were suddenly interrupted by the reality that my current season is actually an answer to prayers from my past season and while I was so hung up on the “next stage”, I was missing out on the opportunity to see how far I have come, be grateful for where I currently am and more importantly, understand what the current season is trying to teach me or build in me.

I think many of us may have found ourselves in situations and seasons where we are so concerned about the “next”. A lot of times, this may be because our current season feels so unpleasant or uncomfortable that we are continually trying to “escape” that season or it may be due to expectations and projections we have about what our current stage or season is supposed to be.

While it is good to plan for the future and live with the hope and expectation of a “better tomorrow”, it is also necessary that we are able to stay present in our current seasons. This is because even when a season feels difficult, God is often using that season to build a certain character in us or increase our capacity for the next season. So, if we are not attuned to our current season, we can miss out on what God is doing in us or we can end up prolonging that season because we are not intentionally partnering with God on the growth and transformation He is trying to work in us or the lessons He is trying to teach us.

When we are unable to embrace our current season, we miss out on the “wisdom” of that season. We can also end up living in a cycle of worry, anxiety and the feeling of disappointment. Another reason to embrace our seasons is because life happens in stages and if we do not systematically build one stage on top of the other, we may get to a point where we find that there’s a lot of malformation in us or we may despise our seemingly small stages and not understand that they are the foundation for the “big stages” we are hoping to attain in life.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 puts it so succinctly, there is a season for everything in life, and a time for every purpose. If we do not know what season we are in, we can end up living life out of alignment. We can end up trying to “speak up” when God is trying to mold us through a season of “keeping silent”, we can end up frustrated looking for the “summer heat” when we should be learning how to adapt and thrive in the “winter cold” or vice versa.

To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven

Ecclesiastes 3:1

It is important to remember that no matter how small or insignificant we may think the progress or reality of our current season looks like, it is leading up to days of significant manifestations. So, like Zechariah 4:10 says, we must ensure that we do not despise the days and seasons of little beginnings.

Embracing our seasons means we trust God’s timing for our lives and work in partnership with Him to fulfill His will for us in every season of our lives. It does not mean we become complacent and refuse to press in for more, rather it means we learn the joy of contentment and gratitude for our current season while knowing that our times and seasons are held securely in God’s hands. Daniel 2:21 says; “And He changes the times and the seasons; He removes kings and raises up kings; He gives wisdom to the wise, and knowledge to those who have understanding.”

And He changes the times and the seasons; He removes kings and raises up kings; He gives wisdom to the wise, and knowledge to those who have understanding.

Daniel 2:21

If we learn to look at our current season with the perspective that even when it does not look like what we want or expect, God’s wisdom is at work to teach, shape and mold us, we can embrace our seasons and know that when the time for a shift comes, we would be ready and thoroughly prepared for it.

While I was in prayer earlier today, I saw two scenarios that I believe signify processes a lot of people may be going through. The Lord would have me share both visions and encourage as many who may relate to them.

The wringing and the refreshing:

I saw what looks like a chamber large enough to just fit a person. The chamber was tight and dark and at the end of it was a big handle that controls the turning of the chamber. As the handle was being turned, the person in the chamber was also being turned in different directions. It felt like the chamber was a wringer and the person was being squeezed in different directions similar to how you squeeze water off clothes. After a while, the process stopped and the person came out to the other side of the chamber.

The person looked so dry and depleted from the wringing out process. The person couldn’t understand what had happened to them in that chamber. As they stood on the other side, looking frail and like they had no strength, I saw a hand bring water that was so clean and just so beautiful and began to pour it over the person. As this happened, the dryness started to give way. It looked like the person began to get plump and fresh as the water washed over them and there was a strong feeling that the person was experiencing a refreshing.

The pressing and the release:

I also saw what looked like a giant mill. Things were being put inside and then the handle of the mill would turn to squeeze and press the items that were being placed inside. As this was happening, the items were coming out on the other side in a different form from when they went into the mill. You could tell that the items had been pressed on in the mill but instead of looking damaged or destroyed, they actually looked better than they did before they went into the mill. They had more color and looked way better in texture.

As I was looking at the new form of the items as they came out of the mill, I got the sense that now “they are ready for use”. It seems that in the former state they were just raw materials but after going through the process in the mill, they attained their true potential. Their value had substantially increased and rather than remaining as items just “sitting on a shelf”, they were now ready for use.

Be encouraged:

I believe many people who will read this may find themselves in what feels like a wringing out or pressing out process, and here’s the encouragement for you.

The wringing out process symbolizes God pulling out of you everything that is not in conformity with who He has made you to be. He is removing the past, the mistakes, errors, limitations, experiences, conditionings, false sense of identity, lies and other things that have kept you weighed down.

During the wringing process, it may feel like you are being stripped of everything you’ve ever known and everything that feels familiar and comfortable. You may feel like life is drying you out and there’s nothing left for you but what is really happening is that God is wringing out the “dirty water”.

The Lord would have me encourage you. This is just a phase that is necessary for Him to dismantle everything that has limited you. It may feel tough, dark and dry but the refreshing is coming! The refreshing season where He pours on you clean water and changes your entire outlook to life! The season where you go from drought and dryness to overflow and abundance.

You may be tempted to believe that the dark chamber is where your story ends but this is not so. You may be tempted to believe that the dryness and drought is all you will ever know but this is not so. The light and the waters of refreshing will come upon you. As you hold on to God through prayers, worshipping and studying the Word of God, you will receive new strength each day. Be encouraged, you are not at the mercy of a random happenstance, God Himself is overseeing this process and at the appointed time, you will see His glory.

I prophesy to you today that you will find new strength even in the process that feels like you are being dried out! Your hope will be fixed on God! Your feet will be planted securely in Him! You will not give up! You will not give out! I pray for you that God will release His dew upon you, He will pour out water on your dry places and He will bring you into your overflow in Jesus Name!

While the wringing out process is about God dismantling and removing what is not of Him in you, the pressing process described above is about God molding you into the form that fits His purpose for you. It is about Him releasing to the surface the value that is within you.

Like the wringing process, the pressing process will also feel restrictive and painful. Life is pressing on you from all sides and it literally feels like you are changing form. You may be tempted to think this is a process aimed at destroying you but again God is assuring you that it is a process designed to upgrade you. Just like olives are transformed into olive oil after going through a pressing process, God is using this process to squeeze out and release the inherent value He has deposited in you.

He is using this process to release you from potential into purpose! As you walk with Him in this process, He will begin to reveal the treasures and gifts within you that you had no idea existed.

I pray for you that your eyes will be open to see God even in the midst of what feels like a painful pressing process. That the Holy Spirit will be your guide and teacher! That at the fullness and completion of this process, you and others around you will marvel at the wonder you have become in Jesus Name!

Here are two Bible passages to encourage you

For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory

2 Corinthians 4:17 NKJV

But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellence of the power may be of God and not of us. We are hard-pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed.

2 Corinthians 4:7-9 NKJV

Written by Elizabeth A. Ibiloye

And the Angel of the Lord appeared to him, and said to him, “The Lord is with you, you mighty man of valor!” Then the Lord turned to him and said, “Go in this might of yours, and you shall save Israel from the hand of the Midianites. Have I not sent you? ”So he said to Him, “O my Lord, how can I save Israel? Indeed my clan is the weakest in Manasseh, and I am the least in my father’s house.”

One of the things the story of Gideon in Jugdes Chapter 6 reminds me of is that often times, our perception of who we are and what God can do through us is quite limited. Gideon thought of himself as the least in a family that came from the weakest clan in his tribe. However, heaven’s identity of Gideon was “Mighty Man of Valor”.

Two very different and opposing perspectives!

I have found that one of the things God does when He comes to a person is to keep speaking the truth of your identity over you. He will not address you as your experiences, beliefs, people’s opinions or conditioning have taught you to see yourself, rather, He will keep calling you by who He has ordained you to be.

At first, it may be difficult to accept God’s view of us. Maybe like Gideon, we think we are too small, too weak or people have dismissed us, devalued us etc., so we don’t think we have much to contribute or maybe we think we are too broken, too damaged etc., and whatever adjectives we use to perceive ourselves that prevents us from stepping into God’s truth about us. However, all of that do not negate our identity and purpose in God.

It is interesting to see how God was patient with Gideon as he kept trying to verify that this call was truly from God. Even when he was still afraid in Judges Chapter 7, God told him what to do so he could be encouraged.

It happened on the same night that the Lord said to him, “Arise, go down against the camp, for I have delivered it into your hand. But if you are afraid to go down, go down to the camp with Purah your servant, and you shall hear what they say; and afterward your hands shall be strengthened to go down against the camp.”

Judges 7: 9 – 11 NKJV

This is the same way God is patient with us through the process of transformation. He knows that our mind is really the battlefield, hence He invites us to sit in His Word consistently so our minds can be renewed. It is only when our minds are renewed by the power of the Word of God that we can begin to enter into God’s view of our identity and purpose. The moment we catch a glimpse of what is on God’s heart and we truly become one with who He says we are, our entire outlook to life and living changes!

Like the angel who came to Gideon, today, I invite you to consider the possibility that there is more to you than what you see, what people have said or done to you or what you have been taught to believe about yourself. Gideon believed God and he went from the seemingly weak man hiding from the oppressors to the warrior who defeated those same oppressors!

There is so much more to you! Do not allow people, situations or circumstances define who you are. Instead, let God download His thoughts concerning you to your spirit and soul by fellowshipping with Him continuously, praying and making the study of your Bible essential practices in your life!

There are many voices and multitude of media trying to give you your identity and sense of purpose. The voice and source you make the loudest in your life will determine the path you follow. So, let God’s voice ring out the closest and loudest in your life!

“Mighty (wo)man of valor”, you have stayed small and scared long enough.

It’s time to see yourself as God sees you and rise into the truth of who God created you to be!

The two fruits of the Spirit I struggled to understand in my mind was joy and peace, I could understand the others based on their definitions but these two just did not satisfy my analytical mind. Now I know that the entire point of them being fruit of the Spirit is that they defy logic because they do not originate from the mind but from the Holy Spirit which then places our mind in that joyful or peaceful state.

Another reason I did not understand peace was the ideology I had of what being peaceful meant. Then, when I think of a peaceful person, images of a quiet, docile, “be seen not heard” person comes to mind, and as these are not adjectives I would use to describe myself, I thought a person like me could not experience this state of peace so described. However I have come to learn that peaceful looking or sounding does not equal peace or being peaceful.

I think it is easy to say we are at peace when there is no strife, challenges or issues. However, peace is not happiness or absence of uncertainties and challenges, rather I like to think of it as

“The ability to remain certain in the midst of uncertainties.”

No wonder the Bible describes it as something that transcends or exceeds human understanding. There is nothing mind boggling or surprising about a person who “feels peaceful” when things are working fine, but to have peace when things are going southward or not as we would like or expect, that is what surpasses our human understanding. My understanding of peace came from my experience of it at a time when I was confronted with questions and issues I could not solve with my mind. This drove me to a place of total surrender and at that point, I connected with the Holy Spirit at a deeper level and peace washed over me.

In learning about peace, I realize it is not a concept that exists in itself; rather it is anchored in trust and a sense of assurance the love of God gives. I believe peace starts when we finally come to a revelation of how deeply God loves us. For me, it was having a deep understanding that a God who would freely give up his son for me is a God who has gone to the point of the ultimate sacrifice for me, and I can rest boldly in the truth that there is nothing He cannot do or make happen for me, irrespective of how situations look around me. Walking in this understanding makes trust possible.

To trust is to give it all up to Him, to get to a point where you face situations that your intellect, beauty, money and other personal attributes cannot help, where you have only two options; to either rely on God and be at rest or continue to try in your own strength/worry and put yourself in a state of internal despair that causes a lack of peace and hopelessness. When I finally understood this, I began to see things differently, I stopped fretting or concentrating on storms and howls, rather I confront them with the truth that I have what it takes to remain calm through that storm. The state of internal calmness in the midst of onslaught is a very beautiful one and for me, that calmness comes through the power of the Holy Spirit.

Peace is not ignorance or nonchalance, peace does not say nothing is happening or everything is just fine, rather peace acknowledges the situation. Peace says this situation is terrifying and stressful but I have a God who loves me so much and ensures I cannot be tried above what He has given me the power to withstand, so I have rest. It  says I understand my position as a child of God so I know this cannot overtake me.

Peace functions exactly like the Bible describes it in Philippians 4:7, as a guard for our hearts and minds. I like to visualize it as a gatekeeper, that is, the job of peace is not to resolve whatever is worrisome or unexpected around me, but to set a hedge around my heart and mind such that the situation or circumstance does not place pressure or thoughts that can bring or break me down. It then makes me overflow with confidence and hope as described in Romans 15:13.

When we allow God take over our lives and we experience the power of the Holy Spirit, peace rushes in like a flood. Peace does not limit itself to one part of our life or mind, instead it comes in, fills and saturates our entire being such that sadness, despair, contrary thoughts and opinions have no place. It causes calm even in the same situation, place or issue that used to bring anxiety.

What can be more beautiful?

I like to visualize it as a gatekeeper, that is, the job of peace is not to resolve whatever is worrisome or unexpected around me but to set a hedge around my heart and mind such that the situation or circumstance does not place pressure or thoughts that can bring or break me down.

Attaining this level of peace can sound strange or impossible, it is easy to look at everything around you and consider it unattainable, but if you get to a point where you say I give my life and all of me to you God. I believe and receive the sacrifice of Christ. I accept Christ as my savior and begin to enjoy the power of the Holy Spirit, then you open up yourself for the Holy Spirit to perform His mystery. To become the gatekeeper of your heart and mind and to bring you to a place of beautiful calm and rest.

SHALOM

It is even harder because in transition, you do not always know exactly where the bus stop to your destination will be, or how long you have to stay on that bus or train ride, and that period of displacement is where everything that can distract you or make you doubt your destiny will happen.

We look around and because we do not fit where we are, we start to doubt if we would fit where we are dressed up for. If the bus ride is taking too long or there are lot of bumps, potholes, detours or accidents, we may start to ask, is this really worth it? am I really sure there is a destination for me? am I really sure I was invited to that party? am I really sure that God said what He said? am I really sure of the promise? Maybe I should just turn back, so I can return to my house clothes, fit in with everyone and not look so stupid.

And that is how people abort their destiny.

Dressing up here does not mean the literal clothes you wear, but rather it refers to things like, the decisions and choices we make, the way we choose to think and speak, the training we give ourselves, the places and people we cut off, the habits we embrace etc. The reason we have to dress up like where we are going is because our destiny depends on us fitting into our future and not our past. The reason the bus ride may take so long is because God uses the journey to strip us of everything we have carried on from where we are coming that would not serve us where we are going or can even detract from us when we get there. He also uses that bus ride to prepare and equip us with the tools, skills, etiquette, personality, resilience, insight etc that we need to perform optimally where He is taking us to, so we can have what it takes to fit into that place.

An understanding that the greater the destination, the greater or longer the preparation and equipping will be, and of course, the greater the external and internal opposition to get off the bus taking us there, is necessary for us to bear and overcome whatever we face on that bus.

Queen Esther is one of the popular references for God using a single person to save an entire race, but anytime I remember she had to spend a whole year anointing herself with oil before she could even come before King Ahasuerus, I wonder what would have been going through her mind at that time. Did she know what she was going to do for her people one day? Would she have said this is not worth it? Will he even pick me? Is this all I would be doing day in day out? I am bored? I am tired? She was faced with the reality that she could go through the entire thing for one year and not find favor before the King, but she completed the one year oiling process and eventually became the person God used to save her people from the despicable wickedness of Haman.

Her purpose was way bigger than her or her position as the queen, it was about what God was going to do through her in that position, and that would not have been possible if she did not go through that process or summon the courage to do what went against tradition to petition for her people.

In a season of transition, we can experience the urge to return back to where we are coming from, or the need to change back to our house clothes on the bus, especially on the days when the bus ride feels really long and difficult, or where it looks like people are staring at us funny because we look so different, but remember your purpose is usually bigger than you and your destiny depends on you looking more like where you are going than where you are coming from.

So, set your mind on your future and keep dressing up for where you are going.

Although choosing to stay the same might look easier, but eventually when life gets you to a point where the pain of staying the same becomes too great, you will have no choice but to change, grow and transform. At that point your life, your survival, your future, even your generations to come depend on it.

You will be squeezed, crushed, turned, twisted, marred, reduced, expanded and then “kicked out” of that place you’ve settled in, because the butterfly needs to emerge out of the caterpillar.

The reason we dread change so much is not that we do not want to transform, to upgrade to a higher level of ourselves and to move to the next level of ourselves and our lives. It is the darkness and uncertainty we fear, the limbo, the in-between, the transition when nothing makes sense, where everything is unfamiliar, uncomfortable and unexplainable.

So we keep aborting the process, we take steps forward, thinking we would go straight from one level to another, so when instead of solid ground after lifting our legs from the lower level, we find ourselves in this space that seems like a vacuum, where sometimes it feels like you’re free falling, and other times it feels like you’re being sucked in by quicksand, we run.

A lot of us run out of that space, out of the limbo, out of the transition and back into the comfort of where we were coming from, into the life and pain we are familiar with, even when we know our time in that place, space, mindset, thought process, pain etc has long expired.

We then do the cowardly thing to do, we negotiate downwards with ourselves, we look at the familiarity, and list off all the reasons why we should stick to the comfortable or familiar zone we know, even when it is threatening our lives, future and purpose, though we don’t call it “sticking to the comfort or familiar zone”, we call it “common sense” to feel justified in our decision to stay down there.

The reason we dread change so much is not that we do not want to transform…it is the darkness and uncertainty we fear, the limbo, the in-between, the transition when nothing makes sense…

Common sense is necessary to make daily decisions and go through life as properly as we can, but at this point, we are not exercising common sense, we are implicating common sense and making it a cover up for “coward sense.”

A lot of us do not do this downward negotiation consciously, it is usually the subconscious that is doing it and making that decision for us.

That’s why self awareness is so important, you must get to know yourself intimately, spend time in quietness observing your mind work, spend time reflecting and introspecting, so your conscious mind is aware to an extent of what your subconscious is doing.

When you choose to consciously engage with the transition process, when you understand that like the corn, the darkness and discomfort of the transition is necessary, that the seed might die and rise up as multiple cobs of corn, when you trust that it is in the darkness you discover the light you need to navigate through life, and in the uncertainty, you learn the power of faith that can move anything, you make the process a bit tolerable and you are able to withstand the shocks and adversities that must come as you make your way through.

Let this truth be your comfort through the process; that it will end, that the wilderness is for a season, and that on the other side of every painful or tough transformation process is power, beauty and a dimension of thinking, processing, seeing and doing that you would not have known existed where you were before.

Common sense is necessary to make daily decisions and go through life as properly as we can, but at this point, we are not exercising common sense, we are implicating common sense and making it a cover up for “coward sense.”

The process is hard, painful and can be mind bending but the product, the result, the change in your mindset, the metamorphosis in your beliefs, the increase in your capacity, the courage to dare dream and demand bigger from life, the expansion and flexibility in your thought process, the ability of your mind, the strength of your spirit, the deep rooted confidence and unshakable faith you acquire, the recreation of your entire inner being,

Especially the scars, each one of them represents courage, resilience through the process and wisdom that arises from the journey. Those scars eventually become polished and shine like stars.

When you choose to consciously engage with the transition process…you make the process a bit tolerable and you are able to withstand the shocks and adversities that must come as you make your way through.

So when growth comes knocking, answer its call.

You will know it is growth calling because it will demand of you a level of trust and courage you’ve not had hitherto, and if you don’t answer its call, it will only keep knocking until the pain of remaining the same, of staying where you are eventually becomes unbearable because;

The “legs of the caterpillar” must give way for the “wings of the butterfly.”

The process is hard, painful and can be mind bending but…everything on the other side of the process is beautiful, even the scars you acquired in the process…each one of them represents courage, resilience through the process and wisdom that arises from the journey.

Elizabeth A. Ibiloye.

#musingsofelizabeth 
#embracechange
#transformation
#metamorphosis 
#growth

I once met a guy who could not stop commenting about the stretch marks on my arms. He would say I needed to wear clothes that cover them up or get creams that were made to clear stretchmarks, and I would sit across him looking at all the physical flaws I could count from where I sit, and would be amused that he was so concerned about my stretch marks. I honestly tried to see things from his view, I tried to understand why he was so disturbed by them and hence felt I needed to always cover them or buy special creams for them but I could not understand him, so when he realized I was not moved by his comments, he stopped talking about it. He eventually turned out to be a douchebag with superficial and shallow content. I guess I should have known…

Somewhere along the line, it occurred to me that I had become the girl who now wore “long skirts” to hide her spots and slathered on harmful creams to “clear stretchmarks”. I am not referring to my spots and marks literally, I am saying I started to develop a mindset and attitude that was tied to pleasing people, conforming to what people wanted, wanting to do all I can to make others like me or consider me good enough and soon I was becoming a slave to people’s opinions, wishes and desires.

The thing about this is, there is usually no end to how far you will have to hide yourself, slice yourself or break yourself to satisfy people, and should you ever find yourself in a place where the people want you to fit a certain broken down standard, they will not stop chipping at you until you become just that. Eventually, you will have two choices, conform totally and be a permanent broken down slave to their wants and desires or decide you would no more be ruled by what people want and you will cast off the heavy cloak of people pleasing.

Is this not the reality of a lot of us, we walk around with the burden of trying to be who others want us to be, trying to make other people like us, trying to perform enough to earn validation, trying to make ourselves good enough in the eyes of people and soon we find ourselves “bleached” to the max with damaged skin, in the name of “clearing stretchmarks” and our “skirts” keep getting longer and longer, in the name of hiding spots that they start to make us trip and fall.

Where does it end?
Where do people end and where do you begin?

This is not saying do not improve on what can be improved on, as I have since done my best to work on those spots and marks but I am doing them for myself, at my own pace and with items I know are not harmful to my skin. I still have some of the spots on my legs and my arms are still decorated with the marks, they are just lighter and look somewhat better I guess.

The problem with trying to change or “become better” comes when we do it solely for people’s validation or approval. We start to wire our minds to say except this person says this or this person likes this, I am not okay, I am not good enough and we literally become “slaves”.
We start working overtime to please our “masters” but the more we do, the more we have to do and we keep loading ourselves till we can no longer identify ourselves or till the day our “camel’s back” break.

Where does it end?

At what point do you start to decide you are not going to be bound by what people think, say or want. At what point do you say I am enough, flaws and all and if I am going to work to improve on myself or change something, it will be because I want to be a higher version of myself and not a donkey held by the rope of people pleasing.

I have lived both sides of the fence and I can tell you, it might actually look easier to do all you can for people’s validation but eventually you will get exhausted, and the sad part is who you are called to be is contingent on who you are not who you contort yourself to be, so you can be validated by the same people who desire to keep breaking you down.

Many people will complain that they do not know their purpose, they are not living the life they want and feel like they have lost hopes and dreams, and I am staring at whatever represents your “bleached skin” and “maxi length” skirts and I am asking

Where are you?
I don’t see you,
I see a map of other people’s opinions, ideas and desires.
I see a person so fragmented into all these pieces from the different people, opinions and desires they are trying to conform to.
I see a person who has become progressively weaker, confused and out of touch with themselves and their inner being.

The road to becoming who you’re meant to be is knowing who you are, and dealing with your flaws to make yourself better and stronger. It is dependent on your ability to affirm and validate yourself, it is dependent on you coming to a deep understanding that you are good enough even if no one tells you or worse, people try to tell you otherwise.

You see, these people you are trying to please are as broken and fragmented as you are, also bound by trying to be like others, please others or make other people like them, so the best they can do is project these insecurities on you and put you in an insecure state and you go about spreading that behavior like a contagious disease.

Something beautiful happens when you dare to find your voice, when you dare to cut off every desire for validation and approval, when you die to the criticism and applause of men. Something beautiful happens and it is called authentic empowerment, it is going back to live according to the design God made for you, it is a form of factory reset.

Authentic empowerment is the kind of power that fills you with clarity and confidence about your path and purpose. It is the kind of power that keeps your light on because you are living as you and not as pieces of others. It is at this point that you do not seek to be someone else other than you, neither do you try to break others down. You step out of being infected by other people and you are not infectious to others.

It may be tough getting there but it’s a beautiful place to be, and the only place I know that you can be empowered enough to live out your purpose, to please God and provide humanity with your highest service.

At one point, you have to make the decision and simply say I am enough, I will work on becoming better but it would no longer be about trying to please other people.

At that point, you open up the floodgates to all things called your passion and purpose.

At that point, you sit in harmony with yourself, one with who God made you to be, flowing like a river irrespective of the rocks, daring to live out the script of your own life.

#musingsofelizabeth
#reformedpeoplepleaser
#factoryreset

I started to think about how garbing applies to us in our regular daily lives. Garbing can be thought of as the processes we take to protect ourselves from being contaminated by influences as well as preventing us from contaminating other people.

In a world where we are constantly bombarded by influences, opinions and expectations. It becomes important that we protect our minds from becoming overwhelmed or contaminated by what we have to see, meet or handle daily.

Some of these garb that I wear include praying and studying the word of God. This ensures my identity is consistently aligned with what God’s word says about me and my mind is constantly renewed. Another way I garb myself is through daily positive affirmations which I draw from what God says about me. I put on the garb of God’s word in my heart and mind and try to ensure that everything I come across that day is filtered through these garbs. Of course some days are easier than the others and some days would require that I double up my defences like in the case of hazardous drugs depending on what I am dealing with but it is clear to me that if I am going to go through my day successfully, I have to put on my garb properly. Even the bible talks about putting on the full armor of God which can be thought of as wearing a full protective garb which includes salvation, truth, righteousness, faith, prayer and the word of God, all of which are necessary to withstand the wiles and devices of the devil we will undoubtedly face each day, infact each minute, so staying fully garbed all the time is the only way we can ensure we are not contaminated or influenced by these wiles which can be external or internal, though our thoughts and perceptions.

Apart from protecting ourselves from what can negatively influence and contaminate, garbing also serves to protect others from us. Like I explained earlier, garbing serves a two way protective purpose and so when we garb up by making our mind right, dealing with habits and mindsets that come with us, we serve to protect others from any negativity or toxicity we can bleed out to them which in turn means we benefit from having pleasant interactions with others.
If we do not work at our daily garbing process, we can end up hurting others and indirectly hurt ourselves because sooner than later, if we keep handling issues and people without the thought of preventing them injury, we would find ourselves in a place where we are no longer allowed to handle or come in contact with what is so important to the health and wellbeing of others.

It is therefore important to ask ourselves daily
Am I fully garbed?
What part of my garb needs to be replaced, changed, improved on or doubled etc?

Taking time to ask ourselves these questions can help us work on our garb which can bring us to a place where we are not contaminated by externalities and ensure we do not serve as a source of contamination to others, which in turn fosters our wellbeing and that of others around us.

It’s time to garb up.

My name is Ifueko M. Omoigui Okauru. I am the middle child of my parents and the only girl. I am married to Mr. Asishana Bayo Okauru and we have four children. I hold a First-Class Bachelor’s degree in Accounting from the University of Lagos, Nigeria where I was a Chevron Scholar and valedictorian of the graduating class, a Master’s of Science degree in Management Science from Imperial College, London on a Commonwealth scholarship and a Master’s degree in Public Administration from Harvard University, Cambridge MA. I am a fellow of the Institute of Chartered Accountants of Nigeria (ICAN), the Chartered Institute of Taxation of Nigeria (CITN). I have served in various leadership positions and hold several awards including two national honors: “Member of the Order of the Niger (MON)” and “Member of the Federal Republic of Nigeria (MFR)”.

What do you do/where do you work?

I have a number of roles and responsibilities.

1. My primary engagement is as Managing Partner (and Lead Consultant) of Compliance Professionals Plc. – a compliance and management consulting firm that supports organisations, especially those with affiliations to the Public Sector to comply with current and changing rules and regulations. This role flows directly from my immediate past engagement as Executive Chairman of the Nigeria Federal Inland Revenue Service (FIRS) and Chairman of the Nigeria Joint Tax Board (JTB) between 2004 to 2012 (the first and only female till date) – where I played a pivotal role in driving tax reforms at the Federal and State levels. Accordingly, our work covers performance audits, restructuring and strategy consulting.
2. Other existing roles and responsibilities include that of:a. Founder and Adviser to ReStraL Ltd, a strategy, change management and organisational development consulting firm I set up in 1996. ReStraL owns and manages the Franklin Covey license (www.franklincovey.com) for Anglophone West Africa covering Gambia, Ghana, Liberia, Nigeria and Sierra Leone. Franklin Covey (FC) is a global company specializing in performance improvement, helping organisations achieve results that require a change in human behavior. FC solutions address improvements in Leadership, Productivity, Sales Performance, Trust, Execution, and Customer Loyalty. The motto of ReStraL Ltd is continually seeking the better way, so the goal is not just consulting but to ultimately ensure we add continuous value to whoever we serve.b. Founding member of the Board of Trustees and Chief Program Officer of DAGOMO Foundation Nigeria Ltd/GTE. DAGOMO is a family based Non-Governmental Organization geared towards building a community that values ageing and dying with dignity.

   c. Independent Non-Executive Director of the following public organisations – Central Security and Clearing System (CSCS) PLC, Nigeria Breweries PLC and Seplat Petroleum Development Company PLC; In these organisations, I also serve on board committees as Chair or member.

   d. Chairman of the Lagos State Employment Trust Fund (LSETF).

   e. Commissioner of the Independent Commission for the Reform of International Corporate Taxation

   f. Chairman of the Nigeria Tax Research Network 

How did you come about the decision of what you currently do? 

What I currently do has evolved from being intensely focused on whatever I do at any point and striving to do such very well. It has also evolved from a zest for continuous self-reflection and reappraisal of my strengths and weaknesses. I try not to dwell too much on weaknesses and failures. But to learn from such and then adjust as may be required. In that mode, I find that opportunities somehow open up to me as people seek individuals that fit a particular role.

In deciding on my choice of study in University, I was driven by what I felt will enable me excel. Hence, I chose Accounting, inspite of being able to study from a range of other considered professions such as Architecture, Engineering and Surveying.

In deciding my choice of profession – Management Consulting, I was led by the need to constantly discover myself as opportunities emerged. Switching whenever I felt I wasn’t fulfilled doing whatever I was doing. I settled into a life time career in consulting, having discovered it aligned with my creativity, sense of logic and passion to make change happen either in organisations that I serve, my country, Africa or Globally. I was also lucky to have people who positively influenced these choices – my parents, my teachers and my bosses at work. 

What I currently do has evolved from being intensely focused on whatever I do at any point and striving to do such very well. It has also evolved from a zest for continuous self-reflection and reappraisal of my strengths and weaknesses.

In deciding to be a founder of a business, I never considered myself as an entrepreneur but rather as someone seeking to create a place where I could be myself and have the freedom to think and do what I felt was the right thing to do at a time. In retrospect, I should also have developed the skills as an entrepreneur, a situation I am correcting now, after the fact.

My board appointments arose unsolicited. I had not thought of a career as a Board Director or Chairman, until the opportunities to do so came up. My decision to sit on boards, was driven by the fact that it aligned with my need to play a stronger role in Corporate Governance. It is also borne out of the reality that as we age, our role needs to shift from that of being a hands-on person to one that is advisory and allowing others to play the hands-on role. The corporate governance roles I play completely aligns with what I love doing.

As a person, I feel most fulfilled when I am free to think and be myself. That ultimately drives who and what I become and the choices I make.

What are some of the career choices that have led you to this point? 

After graduating from the University of Lagos, I started my career at Arthur Andersen & Co. (now split into three firms – KPMG Professional Services, Accenture and Andersen Tax) where I worked across the broad spectrum of Audit, Tax and Consulting services. I became partner and head of the firm’s successful strategy consulting practice before I left in 1996 to establish ReStraL Ltd, a Leadership and Management services organisation. ReStraL was born out of a desire to evolve consulting solutions tailored to the African environment as well as create the ideal place I would like to work in. I was primarily driven by the need to understand the underpinnings of factors needed to change Nigeria (and Africa) as well as add value to organizations through change in mindsets and human behavior.

At a transition point of reflection in my life, I was headhunted and appointed as the first female Executive Chairman of the FIRS and Chairman of the JTB. It was a fantastic opportunity to take advantage of. I am thankful to all those that made this happen.

I spearheaded comprehensive tax reforms that led to development of a national tax policy, modification of tax legislation and remarkable improvement in the effectiveness of Tax Administration. I served for two statutory terms and completed my tenure in 2012. I was also a part-time member of the United Nations (UN) Committee of Experts on International Cooperation in Tax Matters between 2009 and 2013.

After completing my tenure at FIRS, I needed time for family as well as to reflect on my life.  I took up the advice of my husband to go for additional studies. I applied and was admitted to Harvard for a Master’s degree in Public Administration. It was a great year of reflection.

During that same time, I needed to work on other areas that I had not given priority attention during my eight-year stint at the FIRS.

ReStraL was born out of a desire to evolve consulting solutions tailored to the African environment as well as create the ideal place I would like to work in. I was primarily driven by the need to understand the underpinnings of factors needed to change Nigeria (and Africa) as well as add value to organizations through change in mindsets and human behavior. 

ReStraL needed my attention and I returned in an advisory capacity to refocus ReStraL on managing the Franklin Covey license. I took this decision deliberately even at personal cost, as I was convinced that the products and services offered were needed in the markets we served. One product that had made significant impact on my life and who I had become is the “Seven Habits of Highly Effective People”. I needed to drive the process of offering others – individuals and organisations, the same product that had “changed my life” positively.

I became more active in ensuring DAGOMO Foundation become more operational after it was setup by family members in 2007. In my role at the foundation, I am driven by the sheer absence of social and physical infrastructure to serve a group that have given their best to their country, community or family and yet as they age and become more dependent on society, the society is not in a position to serve them in their time of need. I am also driven by the need to see the elderly as part of the society, participating and sharing their experiences as may be required to help mold the succeeding generation.

This role took added significance in 2016, after watching my late mother unsuccessfully battle for survival in Nigeria’s healthcare system. Increasingly, I find that beyond the need to focus attention on aging and dying with dignity in the Nigeria and Africa space, attention to affordable and qualitative healthcare is an area significant value can be created.

My role in DAGOMO is supported through my leadership of Compliance Professionals Plc, which currently serves as a major funding partner to DAGOMO as part of its Corporate Social Responsibility.

In my role at the foundation, I am driven by the sheer absence of social and physical infrastructure to serve a group that have given their best to their country, community or family and yet as they age and become more dependent on society, the society is not in a position to serve them in their time of need.

What inspires or drives you, why do you do what you do?

Everything I do is inspired by one underlying goal; to make an impact. All my career choices, roles, businesses and educational choices have been geared towards making impact and bringing about change and development particularly in Nigeria.

What are some personal attributes/skills/habits that have helped you get here and helps you in keeping up with the demands of what you currently do?

1. Result Orientation: I set huge goals and I am driven to achieve those goals. Goals for me can be summarized as making an impact, so I do not just set out to do something just because I want to do it, rather I do it because I want to make a certain impact or effect a certain change. 

2. Intense Focus: My result orientation mindset keeps me focused and undeterred by hiccups or challenges along the path or journey to achieve those results. Once I have my goals and I make up my mind that this is where I want to be or what I want to do, I am ready to go the whole stretch. This result-oriented mindset was driven into consciousness from my early days and was a main driver of me aiming for the top of my class. 

3. Personal Sacrifice: I do this to a fault. I also understand the concept of personal sacrifice. At the heart of my personal attributes is result orientation, but I know these results cannot be obtained without being willing to make sacrifices or tough decisions.

4. Money as enabler NOT Incentive/Prudence: I see Money as an enabler and the outcome of what I do not why I should do what I do. Money is therefore not an incentive for me, rather I view it as an enabler. This may be because I was borne into a middle-class household where basic comforts where provided. Yet, I know others with the same background who think differently. That’s a possible area of research!!! This attitude has supported my ability to focus without getting distracted by the quest for financial gain. What I have found with time, is that if you work hard, stay focused, and be patient (If you can), money comes. Money in itself does not give fulfillment. Achievement does. Tied to my perspective on money is my ability to be prudent and make cost effective decisions.

I set huge goals and I am driven to achieve those goals. Goals for me can be summarized as making an impact, so I do not just set out to do something just because I want to do it, rather I do it because I want to make a certain impact or effect a certain change…Once I have my goals and I make up my mind that this is where I want to be or what I want to do, I am ready to go the whole stretch.

5. Personal Discipline and Resolve: This can be regarded as a sum of my focus, personal sacrifice and being prudent. It’s an extremely important habit that has helped a lot in taking decisions that turned out to be worthwhile. This has also helped me to not get discouraged when things do not work out as expected. There was a time during my tenure in FIRS, when the incumbent president was to launch a planned activity and then it got changed and someone else did it. The choice of person to launch the activity had become political inspite of the fact that the program had been planned and approved. I recall that my husband who was present at the event, was surprised that I displayed no emotion and just went ahead like nothing had happened. I responded that getting annoyed would not help the process. What was important was for the event to hold, which it did. This is how I approach issues and it is also closely tied to my resolve. Having a strong sense of resolve means I am not bothered by how complex a journey or process may be, I focus on what can keep me on track to achieving my goal. This strong sense of resolve also helps me see opportunities in challenges so rather than get discouraged by complexities, I focus on what I can do to unravel the complexities.

…This is how I approach issues and it is also closely tied to my resolve. Having a strong sense of resolve means I am not bothered by how complex a journey or process may be, I focus on what can keep me on track to achieving my goal. This strong sense of resolve also helps me see opportunities in challenges so rather than get discouraged by complexities, I focus on what I can do to unravel the complexities.

6. Reflection and Introspection: I do a lot of introspection, this is the quality that has made me evolve over time. I do a lot of self-evaluation, self-correction and hold myself accountable for my actions. If things are not going well or as expected, I stop and introspect and ask, could I have done it differently? I go inwards to evaluate, so I continually seek the better way which is the ReStraL motto when I founded it. Introspection helps me stay objective and avoid internalizing any sense of not having done well enough. For example, when I left FIRS, I was so drained out that I said to myself, I am never going to work in government again, I am sure there must be a better way to help Nigeria. I went to Harvard thereafter. My time there served as a big introspection period for me. I would talk to some of my professors and tell them I did not achieve much during my time in FIRS and left feeling drained, but they encouraged me to sit, evaluate and write what I was able to accomplish during my tenure and this helped me see my time in FIRS in a different light. I am grateful to my husband for influencing that decision of going to Harvard. I am also grateful to all those persons I meet on the road, at airports, staff, non-staff, general public, who constantly give me feedback on what I have done right or not done. Introspection also helps me understand my strengths and weaknesses which plays a big role in my decision making. For example, when I was going to make my career choices, architecture appealed to me. However, after evaluating my strengths and weaknesses and asking myself if my creative ability was suited for the field of architecture, I decided I wasn’t likely to be the best architect around. I therefore erred on taking a practical decision to study accounting. Also, understanding my strengths and weaknesses helps me make choices that leverage on my strengths and work on my weaknesses rather than dwell on them. For example, I tend to take a more logical approach in my decision making which can be regarded as harsh because women are expected to be more emotional. Instead of dwelling on not appearing emotional or considering it a weakness as a woman, I try to balance it by ensuring I work with people who are more emotional to balance my logical way of reasoning.

What I have found with time, is that if you work hard, stay focused, and be patient (If you can), money comes. Money in itself does not give fulfillment. Achievement does.

7. Creativity and Continuous Improvement: Finally, I approach everything I do like an artist. I consider my role as a consultant like that of an artist who wants to create beauty. So anytime I am given something to work on, I look at it like I am given a plain sheet to draw on and my advice or strategy is what gives beauty to those who are coming to me. This was the same mindset I had when I started my job at FIRS. I had not worked in the Government prior to my appointment. Aside from the significant impression made on me by President Obasanjo at the time, and the economic reform team led by Dr. Ngozi Okonjo Iweala, that I was to be a part of, the clincher in taking on the appointment was when the then Permanent Secretary to Mr. President, Mr. Steve Oronsaye, explained what was expected of me; that I should leverage on the outcome of a Study Group report on the Nigerian Tax system, and do whatever I felt was needed to achieve the President’s Economic Agenda. This aligned completely with my innermost self – having the freedom to design, act and achieve results that would impact the Country. That whole process led to a lot of comprehensive tax reforms – development of a national tax policy, modification of tax legislations and remarkable improvement in the effectiveness of Tax Administration in Nigeria. 

I do a lot of introspection, this is the quality that has made me evolve over time. I do a lot of self-evaluation, self-correction and hold myself accountable for my actions. If things are not going well or as expected, I stop and introspect and ask, could I have done it differently? I go inwards to evaluate, so I continually seek the better way which is the ReStraL motto when I founded it.

Do you have a spiritual practice? If so, has this influenced or helped you in your work or decisions in anyway? 

I am a Catholic, a fervent believer in the Catholic faith which recognizes all religions, but not as devout as I should be. I say short prayers before I do anything. I believe in God’s power. After all is said and done, I believe in doing your best and leaving the rest to God. I also believe that all of my ways and paths have been designed by God. I submit myself completely to Him. 

One more thing you intend to do or are working towards 

I have on my bucket list of things I still need to do:

1. Research on why Nigeria/Africa isn’t making progress as fast as we want it to.
2. Understanding our ethnic heritage and social cultural psyche. I am currently working with other contributors to write a book on this.

Hopefully, 1) and 2) should culminate in doctoral research on the psychology of Nigeria and how to change the psyche

3. Produce and be one of the lead singers in a musical recording of my Mom’s favorite hymns

Also, understanding my strengths and weaknesses helps me make choices that leverage on my strengths and work on my weaknesses rather than dwell on them. For example, I tend to take a more logical approach in my decision making which can be regarded as harsh because women are expected to be more emotional. Instead of dwelling on not appearing emotional or considering it a weakness as a woman, I try to balance it by ensuring I work with people who are more emotional to balance my logical way of reasoning.

Other insights or words of wisdom/encouragement you would like to share with the readers? 

1. No one knows tomorrow; do your best but don’t push yourself to a breaking point– work and relax (in your own unique way);
2. We are all unique and different, spend time discovering yourself, this is how you find out your purpose, passions, abilities and capabilities;
3. We all have difficulties that we choose not to talk about, so no person’s life is perfect; Do not dwell on difficulties; focus on solutions;
4. Be happy with yourself and focused on what and who you want to be;
5. Let your actions be driven by principles not just values. For example, if you value success, then understand that success is a process – we need to be patient with ourselves in achieving the success we seek;
6. Don’t stay static, continue to evolve with your knowledge of self and your environment;
7. We get tested as we proceed on our life’s journey, learn from successes, failures and mistakes and move on.

Thank you

Ifueko Omoigui-Okauru