I don’t eat out often but when I do go to a particular restaurant, one of the things I enjoy is their bread rolls. While you are still perusing their menu, the waiters bring these baskets of hot bread rolls and butter to your table. The baskets are usually endless and you can keep requesting for more bread rolls till your food arrives.

What usually happens when I go to this restaurant is that by the time my food arrives, I have eaten quite a bit of the bread rolls such that I no longer have much space in my stomach for the main course. This means that I usually have to take most of my uneaten meal back home in a “to-go” box.

I immediately refrigerate my meal when I get home, and reheat it at a later time when I want to eat it. Of course, the reheated food never tastes as nice as when I was eating it fresh in the restaurant, and sometimes I actually end up not eating all of the food I brought back home.

Recently, I was thinking about how this scenario can apply to our relationship with God. Our relationship with God can be likened to the main course that contains all the substance and nutrition we need to fill and sustain us. However, a lot of us have “bread rolls” that we fill up on which limits the space in our lives for the “main course”. Too often, we stuff ourselves with the “bread rolls” of social media, entertainment, people’s opinions, work, personal ambitions, other relationships etc., and become too full for what should be the most important part of our lives-our relationship with God.

We were created by God and our walk with God should be at the center of our life. When we prioritize God, we set ourselves up for success in other areas of our lives. The more time we spend with God, the more His essence and nature rubs off on us. We are transformed to the extent that we make space for God in our lives.

Some of us complain that we do not have enough time to pray, study our Bible, spend time in worship and fellowship with God but I wonder if the issue is that we really do not have the time, or that we have allowed other things take priority. Rather than start our day in prayer and filling up on the Word of God, we open up our various social media apps and become filled with “junk”. Then, we hurriedly mumble some words of prayers and go about our day.

Just like the bread rolls cannot nourish us properly, and reheated food does not taste as fresh, we cannot receive the best possible benefit of a relationship with God when we have other priorities before God. If we do not make the voice of God the loudest in our lives, we run the risk of allowing ourselves to be unstable and tossed about by people’s opinions and societal ideologies.

Jesus Christ made it clear said in the scriptures that love for God must be our priority!

…You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. Matthew 22:37-38 NLT

God is our source and so He must be our sustainer. In John 15: 4-8, Jesus explains that our relationship with God is the only way we can bear fruit. He further explains that we can find ourselves cast away when we do not take care to ensure we are abiding in Him. Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me. I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing. If anyone does not abide in Me, he is cast out as a branch and is withered; and they gather them and throw them into the fire, and they are burned. If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, you will ask what you desire, and it shall be done for you. By this My Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit; so you will be My disciples. John 15:4-8 NKJV

Our relationship with God cannot be treated like left-over food in a to-go box to be consumed when we “feel like”. You cannot be one leg in and one leg out with God, you must be all in! This will require an intentional restructuring of routines and habits to ensure that God takes precedence. Like junk food, we may enjoy the taste and appeal of the bread rolls but they harm us more than do us good. This is why a lot of us remain spiritually malnourished and weak! Lack of proper spiritual nutrition is why we don’t have the spiritual stamina required to overcome temptations and surmount the challenges of life.

Remember, it is “the people who know their God (that) shall be strong and carry out great exploits” (Daniel 11:32b). Similarly, “those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint.” (Isaiah 40:31)

Our ability to be who God truly created us to be is dependent on how much of Him we know and have. We must stop allowing other things encroach into the space that God should occupy in our lives.

God is calling us into a deeper walk with Him and is ever ready to fill us up with Himself.

The question is are you ready to stop eating too many “bread rolls”?

I remember when I first had my son, I was so excited about watching him grow and achieve all his milestones, that I did not realize I had fallen into a pattern of always anticipating the “next”. I remember wondering when he would start sitting up on his own, and by the time he did, I was already looking forward to when he would start crawling. As soon as he started crawling, I was already thinking about when he would start walking. As a mother, I always want to ensure my son is growing and developing properly but it took me a while to realize that while it was good for me to look forward to the “next stage”, I was not fully enjoying the present stage that he was in. I was not stopping to observe, cherish and enjoy his current stage as much as I could.

This pattern of anticipating the next seemed to revolve around different aspects of his growth even beyond his physical milestones. When I finally caught myself in that pattern, I relaxed my anticipation for the “next” and allowed myself to be fully present in his “here and now”. I realized the best gift I could give to my son for his future was not to worry or be so overly concerned, rather it was to be present to his current realities, pray for him, continue to learn and develop my intentional parenting skills while observing and enjoying his current stage and transitions.

As I continue to self-reflect over the years, I have found that this anticipation or looking to the “next” sometimes shows up in other aspects of my life. Whether it be personal, relational or professional milestones, I am sometimes so focused on what the next step, next stage etc., should be that I miss out on fully absorbing what is happening in my present stage or season. I remember being in that loop of thinking about the “next” a while ago when my thoughts were suddenly interrupted by the reality that my current season is actually an answer to prayers from my past season and while I was so hung up on the “next stage”, I was missing out on the opportunity to see how far I have come, be grateful for where I currently am and more importantly, understand what the current season is trying to teach me or build in me.

I think many of us may have found ourselves in situations and seasons where we are so concerned about the “next”. A lot of times, this may be because our current season feels so unpleasant or uncomfortable that we are continually trying to “escape” that season or it may be due to expectations and projections we have about what our current stage or season is supposed to be.

While it is good to plan for the future and live with the hope and expectation of a “better tomorrow”, it is also necessary that we are able to stay present in our current seasons. This is because even when a season feels difficult, God is often using that season to build a certain character in us or increase our capacity for the next season. So, if we are not attuned to our current season, we can miss out on what God is doing in us or we can end up prolonging that season because we are not intentionally partnering with God on the growth and transformation He is trying to work in us or the lessons He is trying to teach us.

When we are unable to embrace our current season, we miss out on the “wisdom” of that season. We can also end up living in a cycle of worry, anxiety and the feeling of disappointment. Another reason to embrace our seasons is because life happens in stages and if we do not systematically build one stage on top of the other, we may get to a point where we find that there’s a lot of malformation in us or we may despise our seemingly small stages and not understand that they are the foundation for the “big stages” we are hoping to attain in life.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 puts it so succinctly, there is a season for everything in life, and a time for every purpose. If we do not know what season we are in, we can end up living life out of alignment. We can end up trying to “speak up” when God is trying to mold us through a season of “keeping silent”, we can end up frustrated looking for the “summer heat” when we should be learning how to adapt and thrive in the “winter cold” or vice versa.

To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven

Ecclesiastes 3:1

It is important to remember that no matter how small or insignificant we may think the progress or reality of our current season looks like, it is leading up to days of significant manifestations. So, like Zechariah 4:10 says, we must ensure that we do not despise the days and seasons of little beginnings.

Embracing our seasons means we trust God’s timing for our lives and work in partnership with Him to fulfill His will for us in every season of our lives. It does not mean we become complacent and refuse to press in for more, rather it means we learn the joy of contentment and gratitude for our current season while knowing that our times and seasons are held securely in God’s hands. Daniel 2:21 says; “And He changes the times and the seasons; He removes kings and raises up kings; He gives wisdom to the wise, and knowledge to those who have understanding.”

And He changes the times and the seasons; He removes kings and raises up kings; He gives wisdom to the wise, and knowledge to those who have understanding.

Daniel 2:21

If we learn to look at our current season with the perspective that even when it does not look like what we want or expect, God’s wisdom is at work to teach, shape and mold us, we can embrace our seasons and know that when the time for a shift comes, we would be ready and thoroughly prepared for it.

While I was in prayer earlier today, I saw two scenarios that I believe signify processes a lot of people may be going through. The Lord would have me share both visions and encourage as many who may relate to them.

The wringing and the refreshing:

I saw what looks like a chamber large enough to just fit a person. The chamber was tight and dark and at the end of it was a big handle that controls the turning of the chamber. As the handle was being turned, the person in the chamber was also being turned in different directions. It felt like the chamber was a wringer and the person was being squeezed in different directions similar to how you squeeze water off clothes. After a while, the process stopped and the person came out to the other side of the chamber.

The person looked so dry and depleted from the wringing out process. The person couldn’t understand what had happened to them in that chamber. As they stood on the other side, looking frail and like they had no strength, I saw a hand bring water that was so clean and just so beautiful and began to pour it over the person. As this happened, the dryness started to give way. It looked like the person began to get plump and fresh as the water washed over them and there was a strong feeling that the person was experiencing a refreshing.

The pressing and the release:

I also saw what looked like a giant mill. Things were being put inside and then the handle of the mill would turn to squeeze and press the items that were being placed inside. As this was happening, the items were coming out on the other side in a different form from when they went into the mill. You could tell that the items had been pressed on in the mill but instead of looking damaged or destroyed, they actually looked better than they did before they went into the mill. They had more color and looked way better in texture.

As I was looking at the new form of the items as they came out of the mill, I got the sense that now “they are ready for use”. It seems that in the former state they were just raw materials but after going through the process in the mill, they attained their true potential. Their value had substantially increased and rather than remaining as items just “sitting on a shelf”, they were now ready for use.

Be encouraged:

I believe many people who will read this may find themselves in what feels like a wringing out or pressing out process, and here’s the encouragement for you.

The wringing out process symbolizes God pulling out of you everything that is not in conformity with who He has made you to be. He is removing the past, the mistakes, errors, limitations, experiences, conditionings, false sense of identity, lies and other things that have kept you weighed down.

During the wringing process, it may feel like you are being stripped of everything you’ve ever known and everything that feels familiar and comfortable. You may feel like life is drying you out and there’s nothing left for you but what is really happening is that God is wringing out the “dirty water”.

The Lord would have me encourage you. This is just a phase that is necessary for Him to dismantle everything that has limited you. It may feel tough, dark and dry but the refreshing is coming! The refreshing season where He pours on you clean water and changes your entire outlook to life! The season where you go from drought and dryness to overflow and abundance.

You may be tempted to believe that the dark chamber is where your story ends but this is not so. You may be tempted to believe that the dryness and drought is all you will ever know but this is not so. The light and the waters of refreshing will come upon you. As you hold on to God through prayers, worshipping and studying the Word of God, you will receive new strength each day. Be encouraged, you are not at the mercy of a random happenstance, God Himself is overseeing this process and at the appointed time, you will see His glory.

I prophesy to you today that you will find new strength even in the process that feels like you are being dried out! Your hope will be fixed on God! Your feet will be planted securely in Him! You will not give up! You will not give out! I pray for you that God will release His dew upon you, He will pour out water on your dry places and He will bring you into your overflow in Jesus Name!

While the wringing out process is about God dismantling and removing what is not of Him in you, the pressing process described above is about God molding you into the form that fits His purpose for you. It is about Him releasing to the surface the value that is within you.

Like the wringing process, the pressing process will also feel restrictive and painful. Life is pressing on you from all sides and it literally feels like you are changing form. You may be tempted to think this is a process aimed at destroying you but again God is assuring you that it is a process designed to upgrade you. Just like olives are transformed into olive oil after going through a pressing process, God is using this process to squeeze out and release the inherent value He has deposited in you.

He is using this process to release you from potential into purpose! As you walk with Him in this process, He will begin to reveal the treasures and gifts within you that you had no idea existed.

I pray for you that your eyes will be open to see God even in the midst of what feels like a painful pressing process. That the Holy Spirit will be your guide and teacher! That at the fullness and completion of this process, you and others around you will marvel at the wonder you have become in Jesus Name!

Here are two Bible passages to encourage you

For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory

2 Corinthians 4:17 NKJV

But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellence of the power may be of God and not of us. We are hard-pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed.

2 Corinthians 4:7-9 NKJV

Written by Elizabeth A. Ibiloye

And the Angel of the Lord appeared to him, and said to him, “The Lord is with you, you mighty man of valor!” Then the Lord turned to him and said, “Go in this might of yours, and you shall save Israel from the hand of the Midianites. Have I not sent you? ”So he said to Him, “O my Lord, how can I save Israel? Indeed my clan is the weakest in Manasseh, and I am the least in my father’s house.”

One of the things the story of Gideon in Jugdes Chapter 6 reminds me of is that often times, our perception of who we are and what God can do through us is quite limited. Gideon thought of himself as the least in a family that came from the weakest clan in his tribe. However, heaven’s identity of Gideon was “Mighty Man of Valor”.

Two very different and opposing perspectives!

I have found that one of the things God does when He comes to a person is to keep speaking the truth of your identity over you. He will not address you as your experiences, beliefs, people’s opinions or conditioning have taught you to see yourself, rather, He will keep calling you by who He has ordained you to be.

At first, it may be difficult to accept God’s view of us. Maybe like Gideon, we think we are too small, too weak or people have dismissed us, devalued us etc., so we don’t think we have much to contribute or maybe we think we are too broken, too damaged etc., and whatever adjectives we use to perceive ourselves that prevents us from stepping into God’s truth about us. However, all of that do not negate our identity and purpose in God.

It is interesting to see how God was patient with Gideon as he kept trying to verify that this call was truly from God. Even when he was still afraid in Judges Chapter 7, God told him what to do so he could be encouraged.

It happened on the same night that the Lord said to him, “Arise, go down against the camp, for I have delivered it into your hand. But if you are afraid to go down, go down to the camp with Purah your servant, and you shall hear what they say; and afterward your hands shall be strengthened to go down against the camp.”

Judges 7: 9 – 11 NKJV

This is the same way God is patient with us through the process of transformation. He knows that our mind is really the battlefield, hence He invites us to sit in His Word consistently so our minds can be renewed. It is only when our minds are renewed by the power of the Word of God that we can begin to enter into God’s view of our identity and purpose. The moment we catch a glimpse of what is on God’s heart and we truly become one with who He says we are, our entire outlook to life and living changes!

Like the angel who came to Gideon, today, I invite you to consider the possibility that there is more to you than what you see, what people have said or done to you or what you have been taught to believe about yourself. Gideon believed God and he went from the seemingly weak man hiding from the oppressors to the warrior who defeated those same oppressors!

There is so much more to you! Do not allow people, situations or circumstances define who you are. Instead, let God download His thoughts concerning you to your spirit and soul by fellowshipping with Him continuously, praying and making the study of your Bible essential practices in your life!

There are many voices and multitude of media trying to give you your identity and sense of purpose. The voice and source you make the loudest in your life will determine the path you follow. So, let God’s voice ring out the closest and loudest in your life!

“Mighty (wo)man of valor”, you have stayed small and scared long enough.

It’s time to see yourself as God sees you and rise into the truth of who God created you to be!

The two fruits of the Spirit I struggled to understand in my mind was joy and peace, I could understand the others based on their definitions but these two just did not satisfy my analytical mind. Now I know that the entire point of them being fruit of the Spirit is that they defy logic because they do not originate from the mind but from the Holy Spirit which then places our mind in that joyful or peaceful state.

Another reason I did not understand peace was the ideology I had of what being peaceful meant. Then, when I think of a peaceful person, images of a quiet, docile, “be seen not heard” person comes to mind, and as these are not adjectives I would use to describe myself, I thought a person like me could not experience this state of peace so described. However I have come to learn that peaceful looking or sounding does not equal peace or being peaceful.

I think it is easy to say we are at peace when there is no strife, challenges or issues. However, peace is not happiness or absence of uncertainties and challenges, rather I like to think of it as

“The ability to remain certain in the midst of uncertainties.”

No wonder the Bible describes it as something that transcends or exceeds human understanding. There is nothing mind boggling or surprising about a person who “feels peaceful” when things are working fine, but to have peace when things are going southward or not as we would like or expect, that is what surpasses our human understanding. My understanding of peace came from my experience of it at a time when I was confronted with questions and issues I could not solve with my mind. This drove me to a place of total surrender and at that point, I connected with the Holy Spirit at a deeper level and peace washed over me.

In learning about peace, I realize it is not a concept that exists in itself; rather it is anchored in trust and a sense of assurance the love of God gives. I believe peace starts when we finally come to a revelation of how deeply God loves us. For me, it was having a deep understanding that a God who would freely give up his son for me is a God who has gone to the point of the ultimate sacrifice for me, and I can rest boldly in the truth that there is nothing He cannot do or make happen for me, irrespective of how situations look around me. Walking in this understanding makes trust possible.

To trust is to give it all up to Him, to get to a point where you face situations that your intellect, beauty, money and other personal attributes cannot help, where you have only two options; to either rely on God and be at rest or continue to try in your own strength/worry and put yourself in a state of internal despair that causes a lack of peace and hopelessness. When I finally understood this, I began to see things differently, I stopped fretting or concentrating on storms and howls, rather I confront them with the truth that I have what it takes to remain calm through that storm. The state of internal calmness in the midst of onslaught is a very beautiful one and for me, that calmness comes through the power of the Holy Spirit.

Peace is not ignorance or nonchalance, peace does not say nothing is happening or everything is just fine, rather peace acknowledges the situation. Peace says this situation is terrifying and stressful but I have a God who loves me so much and ensures I cannot be tried above what He has given me the power to withstand, so I have rest. It  says I understand my position as a child of God so I know this cannot overtake me.

Peace functions exactly like the Bible describes it in Philippians 4:7, as a guard for our hearts and minds. I like to visualize it as a gatekeeper, that is, the job of peace is not to resolve whatever is worrisome or unexpected around me, but to set a hedge around my heart and mind such that the situation or circumstance does not place pressure or thoughts that can bring or break me down. It then makes me overflow with confidence and hope as described in Romans 15:13.

When we allow God take over our lives and we experience the power of the Holy Spirit, peace rushes in like a flood. Peace does not limit itself to one part of our life or mind, instead it comes in, fills and saturates our entire being such that sadness, despair, contrary thoughts and opinions have no place. It causes calm even in the same situation, place or issue that used to bring anxiety.

What can be more beautiful?

I like to visualize it as a gatekeeper, that is, the job of peace is not to resolve whatever is worrisome or unexpected around me but to set a hedge around my heart and mind such that the situation or circumstance does not place pressure or thoughts that can bring or break me down.

Attaining this level of peace can sound strange or impossible, it is easy to look at everything around you and consider it unattainable, but if you get to a point where you say I give my life and all of me to you God. I believe and receive the sacrifice of Christ. I accept Christ as my savior and begin to enjoy the power of the Holy Spirit, then you open up yourself for the Holy Spirit to perform His mystery. To become the gatekeeper of your heart and mind and to bring you to a place of beautiful calm and rest.

SHALOM

I don’t know when I finally decided I was going to exercise my power to perceive myself as I see fit and not as others do and to stop allowing what others may think about me to stop me from doing things I wanted to, but I know the story of Zaccheaus is one that keeps teaching me about making the best of what may be considered a stigma.

Zaccheaus is reported in the Bible as a tax collector who met Jesus after he decided to climb the sycamore tree in order to see Jesus and then Jesus came to dine with Him and bring salvation to his home, which caused people to murmur against Jesus for dining with someone they considered a sinner. The story of Zaccheaus is usually referenced in church or at home as one that shows nobody was too sinful for Jesus to meet, eat with and save.

However, the day Zaccheaus was going to make a difference to me, was the day I read his story through the lens of seeing how a short man did not allow his height stop him from getting what he wanted. I imagined that there must have been a great crowd wanting to see Jesus and here comes short man Zaccheaus who also wanted to see Jesus but is probably in a position where he cannot even get to the heads of the people around him, so stretching his neck or seeing above their heads was not even an option for him. I believe he must have asked himself what he could do to ensure he achieved his goal despite his height, so off he went to climb a tree.

When I was thinking about the scenario, I was wondering how funny Zaccheaus might have looked trying to climb the tree, how his short legs would go branch by branch till he got to the height where he would see Jesus. Was it possible that people around him were laughing at him because he had to climb the tree? I don’t know, but I do know that whenever a person has something considered a form of stigma, there will always be people ready to laugh at them or make snide or hurtful remarks.

The story of Zaccheaus showed me the determination of a man who was not going to let his physical condition detract from him achieving his goal. I wonder if Zaccheaus was the only short man in the crowd who could not see Jesus, but did the other short men do something about it? Or did they accept that it was their fate not to see Jesus because they were too short or worse did they have entitlement mentality, were they expecting that people would allow them go to the front, since they were short or were they expecting that someone would give them a stool or something to climb on to see Jesus.

Is this not how we as people think when it comes to conditions or impairments that have some sort of stigma attached to them? Are we not so bothered about what people think about us or worse have we told ourselves we cannot achieve or do something because of that condition? Is this mindset not what prevents us from being confident about what we can achieve or become creative enough about our situation to think of or look for a “sycamore tree” to climb?

The beauty of Zaccheaus story to me is not just his determination or his resourcefulness in achieving his aim of seeing Jesus but that because of what he did,

Jesus saw him!!!

It is amazing to me when I think about how the condition that should have kept him hidden and lost in the crowd was what caused him to make a radical choice which then caused him to attract the attention of Jesus. This attention led to such great honor that Jesus chose his house to dine. Of course, this blessing and honor attracted comments from people, like why him? He is a publican, a tax collector, a thief, a sinner but they failed to acknowledge his determination and actions that caused Jesus to see him.
Is this not the same thing we experience from people today? They look at your life or what you are doing and say why him? why her? (S)he’s fat, (s)he’s ugly, (s)he’s short, (s)he’s deaf, (s)he cannot speak well, his/her accent is too thick, (s)he’s not qualified, his/her pedigree is not right and all other opinions they have that makes them think your achievements or blessing is unjustified and if we allow ourselves to internalize this, is it not easy for us to start thinking of ourselves as less than or not deserving of our achievements or the honor or blessing we have received, which can then have an indirect effect of us subconsciously aiming too low or avoiding things that can put us in the spotlight.

This is not a campaign for ignoring conditions that can impact your health, instead it is recognizing that there are lots of conditions, impairments, backgrounds, situations etc that cannot be fixed and even the ones that can be might require a process that make the way you define yourself and your abilities become skewed. Rather, this is a call to say why not be a (wo)man like Zaccheaus, instead of letting whatever it is define you or cause you to shy away from achieving your goals, instead of letting it work against you, why not work with it as you improve what you can, why not let it propel you to look for sycamore tree type of solutions that can end up setting you apart from the rest.

When the artist was done and he handed me my drawing, my first response was this is not how I look, although I can see some slight resemblance and my friend said to me, that is why it is called a caricature.

Some weeks ago, I was clearing up some parts of my house and found this drawing that I had forgotten about rolled up in its case and I brought it out to look at it. My first thought when I saw it again was this is not how I look. I rolled it out and pinned it to the wall and kept looking at it till I started to draw some parallel with how the picture looks to me and what a lot of us carry about as a picture of ourselves.

The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines a caricature as an

“exaggeration by means of often ludicrous distortion of parts or characteristics”

While the Collins dictionary defines it as

“a likeness or imitation that is so distorted or inferior as to seem ludicrous.”

This explains why when I looked at the caricature, I could see clearly that my facial features were drawn in a manner that made them look out of proportion to the other thus distorting the reality of how my face truly looks. In reflecting on this, I began to realize a lot of us are actually carrying caricatures of ourselves in different aspects or areas and believing them to be the true reflection or representation of who we are in that aspect. Life has a way of becoming an artist through experiences, conditioning, expectations, failures, situations, losses and even some successes. All of these paint a drawing of us that if we are not careful can distort the reality of who we are in such a ridiculous manner leaving us with an perception of ourselves that do not meet up with who we really are.

Just as our idea of how our face looks comes not from our ability to see our face itself but from our ability to see a reflection of our face in a mirror or through the comments and opinions of others, so also our idea of who we are is formed by the representation we hold, through what we see, hear and think.

The way a caricature looks is defined by the way the artist wants it to look. The drawing can change depending on how and what feature the artist chooses to exaggerate or distort. Therefore, an artist can draw plenty caricatures of you, and different artists can draw different forms of caricatures. This is the same way different life experiences and situations can draw you different caricatures and place in your mind as a representation of you. If you do not understand that the picture is one drawn in a manner so distorted or inferior that it tends to be ludicrous, you can go about never coming to a full realization of who you really are and ultimately what you are capable of.

This then brings me to my next question

What do you see?

Or more importantly

What are you looking at? An authentic reflection or a caricature?

God made it clear in the first book of the Bible that He created us in His image and likeness. This means we were created to look and function like God, and this should be the representation we carry of ourselves. It is in coming to a deep revelation and understanding of God as our father that we can begin to see ourselves as He sees us. This revelation changes everything about our perception and outlook. It is in understanding this truth that we can start to cast away every caricature that has been placed in our mind. We can begin to examine and question every thought or opinion we have about ourselves and look at them through the lens of God’s opinion about us and discard them when they do not match. We are able to separate who we are from what we go through, truth from facts and our reality from our circumstances.

Until we get to this place of deep understanding that a caricature is not a true reflection of us, we can find ourselves engaging in deep internal conflict when a caricature is presented to us through life experiences. We see one and say “oh I have such funny eyes” “my nose is weird”. I am this or that, which is usually something negative that can be summed up as “I am not good or worthy enough.”

A “life caricature” does not just give us a representation to have of ourselves, instead it manipulates and prevents us from seeing the real deal. It can cause us to live at a level way below who God made us to be and can lead to so much anxiety and worry when we keep defining ourselves through the lens of every happening, failure, rejection, negativity, hurt, betrayal, loss and setbacks.

In order to switch to a true reflection of ourselves, we have to start by asking some introspective questions about what picture we have been carrying, whose opinion weighs the most in our lives, what is our understanding of who God really is and who we really are. It is in seeking the answers to this questions that we start to confront patterns and drawings that do not align with who God says we are, we start to drop every drawing that is not a true reflection of us. These answers are easily found through studying God’s word and opening up ourselves to His Spirit which gives us a clear revelation of who God is.

The beauty of this revelation is it gives us a heart experience that surpasses all other life experiences and becomes the anchor upon which our self-definition rests. It gives us a mind switch so profound that we can laugh off every kind of caricature life tries to show to us and most importantly gives us stability, strength and hope to go through all of life’s experiences with an unshakable understanding of who we really are.

You already paid for your accommodation for an entire year, your parents send you money monthly, we are working to pay bills and take care of our feeding, you are working for what? what do you need a job for? I did not bother explaining much to them, because I knew that for them to ask me those kind of questions, then they would not be able to really understand my reasons, so I continued my job hunt with them. However, because of my international student status, I couldn’t get any kind of “professional” job, so when I finally took up a stock counter job, they were puzzled at first.

We would go on these jobs that paid minimum wage, where we would spend hours counting items in big stores like Morrisons. We would be in the warehouses or store aisles counting boxes and pieces of items. Our fingers would go numb from counting hundreds of frozen items in the freezer and some times, we would have to stand in the cold room counting cold stock. We would have some minutes break and be back to sitting on the floor counting sweets, rice, bread and other groceries or counting clothes, towels and underwear if it were a clothing store. The work was intense as our productivity (counts/minute) was monitored through our scanners and there was a scoreboard at the end of every job, and your probability of being assigned a next job depended heavily on how productive you were in the prior one, so if you wanted to keep working, then you must continue to do good work.

On some days that I worked, I would end up dragging myself through the brutal Sheffield cold and get back to my apartment at 1 or 2 am, and still wake up to attend classes that day. At another time, I tried to get a factory job where sandwiches were being prepared but I did not get it, so I continued with my stock counter job till I finished my program.

The reality is there were times when I asked myself if I was “okay”, here I was, living in one of the best postcode area in Sheffield, yet dragging myself through crazy conditions to earn money I did not have to earn and which did not make any significant addition to what I had, but whenever that thought came up, I immediately reminded myself;

I AM IN TRAINING.

Paul says in Galatians that as long as a heir is a child, he is no different from a servant, even though he is lord of all. I firmly believe that if a heir is not properly trained, they would not be able to manage or truly value what they later come to own, and may end up like the prodigal son.

I could not explain to my friends because I did not know how to explain to them in a manner that they would really understand where I was going or what my aim was. The goal was to get and continue to keep myself at a point mentally, where it did not matter, what was available or not to me. To get to a point where I understood the value of whatever comes into my hand and to never be threatened by the work required to sustain whatever life gives me. To get to a point where if nobody I knew supported me, I would be confident in the fact that I and God were already majority, so that when I get to points in life, where I find myself looking left, right, center and I do not see anyone, I would not be moved or shaken.

So, I knew that I must be able to train myself properly and continuously such that the need to fall back on pleasure or “easy life” or mediocrity is never an option worth considering, no matter what.

I acknowledge the fact that life has given me privileges that I would not have been able to earn and I think the only thing to do with those privileges is to be worthy of them, by using them wisely and by not misusing, abusing or taking them for granted, else I forfeit them.

As I get older, I see the impact some of these decisions have had on me. I also realize that my ability to make these types of decisions is largely influenced by how my parents raised I and my siblings; to never allow what they provided define the way we approach life. They have trained us such that even if walking in purpose requires that we exchange a 10 room house for a 1 room house, we are equipped to make that switch and go through the process. Does a bigger house make life easier? Yes, but does it place any hold on me? No. They have taught us repeatedly that if pleasure is not managed properly, it can be the biggest threat to purpose.

Some days, I find myself in tight spots, at points where I have to walk hard roads, where I ask God to help me and He reminds me, you have been trained for this place, now use the skills you built, and so I find myself navigating the terrain without fear. Some days I sit and tell myself, Ayooluwa, it looked like you were crazy then, but those decisions and choices prepared you, and this harder terrain and tougher decisions is only making you stronger for what’s to come.

I want to encourage anyone who thinks life is so unrelenting in the hardships or challenges it brings their way, to first of all ask themselves if those challenges could be as a result of their mediocre efforts, and if they can answer no, to then change their perspective, and begin to consider the challenges as training. To understand that it is only through fire that gold is purified and only through pressure, diamonds are formed. Something beautiful happens when you change your perspective about what life throws your way. When you see it as a training; you begin to proactively interact and engage with that training. Instead of folding your hands and saying “woe is me”, you begin to look for ways to understand the training manual, to figure out solutions, you begin to ask yourself what other “course material” are out there that I can learn from, what other approaches can I use to tackle this question. It is when you think of every thing happening as a big question, that you ask the Holy Spirit for directions and answers.

What this approach does is to put you in a situation where you are actively involved in the process of becoming a stronger person, and so what was causing you to be “weak” gradually becomes the thing that strengthens you, and before you know it, you are in a position where you are stronger than the thing itself.

I also want to challenge people who have “everything going well” for them, who have all what they need, to find a way to keep putting themselves in a mindset of “training”. You do not have to work in a factory or something like that, but there are always ways to stay ready. It could be learning new skills, reading new books, volunteering your time; anything that would keep you out of complacency. This is because life happens in twists and turns, and while you may never encounter any situation where you want for material things, you can find yourself in situations where your mental fortitude is what will make you outlive them, or come out from them without losing your entire self. At that point, it is the training you have and continue to give yourself that God will use to empower and sustain you. The Bible says we can do all things through Christ who strengthens us. Our part here is to equip ourselves and keep “doing”, in fact it is through our doing, that we understand the immense strength Christ can give us.

That’s one of the biggest differences between people who “died” in the storm and people who rode out the storm. They have trained themselves to navigate whatever type of road appears before them, to grow from whatever outcome life brings their way, and so when the storm came, they put on courage and kept going in the strength of Christ. They understand that problems are processes and outcomes are lessons, irrespective of how positive or negative they may be and they keep building on them and growing through them.

Today, I have no gripes about being in the process because I understand the strength it would bring me, and I know I need that strength for where God is taking me to. I have no desire to short cut or fast track process because I truly want to be the world class product God has made me to be. I understand that process is God’s shaping tool to mold me exactly as He wants me to look, and I am also learning to always yield my desired “pot shape” to what He wants to mold me into. I know that whatever He decides that I am formed into can only be exceedingly abundantly above what I can decide to make myself into, so my only job is to continue to allow myself to be taken apart, put together, molded, marred and formed through the process of life’s continuous training and to never allow myself slip to a point where the things available to me begin to make me eat the bread of complacency.

It can be hard on some days, as you just want to slip into the warmth of comfort, but then I remember that purpose can never be found within your comfort zone, I remember my parents telling me; if pleasure is not managed properly, it can hinder purpose. So I keep asking God to strengthen me, because at the end of the day, God does not measure a successful life in terms of wealth amassed but in terms of lives impacted and purpose fulfilled.

The look on my dad’s face was a mix between some confusion and some disappointment. He said what of medicine, I said no, I do not want to become a medical doctor. His responding look can only be described as “Is this my child?”

I understood the reason for his look, as the Nigerian society has some set career choices considered prestigious and medicine could be considered the king of them all. He then went on to say he had thought I would become a lawyer because of my inquisitive nature and analytical mind but I chose to go to science class, and so he told himself, well she would become a medical doctor, so my no was surprising to him, after all a lot of people dream of becoming medical doctors. My dad continued in Nigerian parent fashion, why would you not want to be a medical doctor? And he explained and explained the prestige that comes with being a medical doctor.

When he realized I was serious, he tried to convince me and tried to get my mum to intervene. I think my dad was much more surprised about the fact that I was clear about defending what I believed was for me, despite an option that seemed better than what that choice was. This sort of turned into a back and forth between I and him, and I kept telling him, if you do not send me to school, I will learn a trade and then make money to send myself to school. However, after a while, it became an issue of Ayooluwa be obedient, as I could not convince them to see the big picture my 14 year old mind had seen. I got to the point where I said okay, whatever he wants, but deep down I was not happy and I kept praying that if God truly showed me that picture, then he must find a way to make it obvious to my parents, so they would allow me. God did show up and my dad was the one who eventually said, she has to go to pharmacy school.

I still remember that period and I know that the only way I could have thought of standing up to my dad at that time was because I believed entirely and absolutely in what I was meant to do, even though at that time, it was not clear how I was going to get there. I knew deep within me, that this was not just an imagination, that this was a purpose bigger than me, and I had to fight for it.

14 years later, that goal/vision still remains the same, and it has only become clearer and more tangible. I have made choices that seem off course and found myself on paths that I thought was wrong. However with each passing day, life’s twists, turns, challenges and synchronicities have only shown me that my reasoning at that time was not a fluke or figment of my imagination. However, I have come to realize that the vision/purpose can be easily lost or buried and I could very well live a long life without attaining purpose.

What I have come to learn about the road to attaining purpose was from my study of the life of the biblical Joseph and I have summarized into two what I have come to understand:

1. I am not responsible for the vision/purpose.
2. I am responsible for the mission.

1. I believe that the vision for our lives is not an imagination or a wish, it is not of our own creation, rather it is the purpose for which our creator made us. Joseph did not “imagine” those dreams he had, he did not “formulate” his visions. Simply put, he was not responsible for creating the purpose of his life.

What I have also learnt from his vision was that, it was not revealed to him in its entirety, he was not told how he was going to get there, he was not told what exactly those dreams meant or how they would come to pass, but this did not mean his dreams were invalid. The second thing about his vision/purpose was that he was not necessarily the best or the first. Also, his vision brought him opposition, in fact his greatest opposition and betrayal came from the people closest to him, his blood brothers. Lastly, his vision made him suffer (slave to servant to prisoner).

These lessons have helped me stop questioning what I know to be my purpose, stop wondering when I face challenges, taunts or opposition and to understand that it is not about my qualifications or pedigree, it is solely about God’s design.

As much as I enjoyed learning about his vision, my deepest lessons came from his mission.

2. I believe that a mission is the journey or group of activities you take or make in order to achieve a purpose or vision. Joseph’s mission started in a manner that belied his vision entirely. The fact that he was sold into slavery by his own brothers was enough to make him give up, and forget the promise upon him. The next part of his mission is where I personally believe was one of his crucial decision point. Here was Joseph, former slave, now a servant and now elevated to run the entire house of Potiphar. In our present day terms, we would say he has “arrived”, his story has changed for good, former slave was now a big man.

I believe a lot of us get to this point and we abort our vision. We let our success become the enemy of our future success, we think we finally made it after all our suffering and slavery and so we become ready to “sell our souls” in order to hold on to what we think is our reward and purpose. We “sleep with Potiphar’s wife” in order to ensure we don’t lose the level of success we have attained.

I have come to represent sleeping with Potiphar’s wife as anything that causes us to go against our values, to make decisions rooted in fear, to do something because everybody is doing it, to follow the popular choice, to hold on to our comfort zone, to hold on to what we know, to do anything to remain in power etc.

I have thought and thought about this point in Joseph’s life, and sometimes I wonder what would have happened if he had slept with her, he may have secured his position as the head of Potiphar’s household, he would have been enjoying himself, he may have even had his “big man” status elevated, more lands, houses, cars etc but would that not have been where his story would end? would he have been able to make it to the palace? would he have been able to make it to the position where he would later be used to save his people during the famine? would he have achieved purpose? In fact would he not have been caught later and then disgraced? Would he not have fallen from grace to grass?

I believe the decision we make at this point in our mission determines whether we fulfill our vision or not. Do we leave the known for unknown? do we leave comfort for hardship? do we choose to follow what we know is our soul’s calling? or do we choose to compromise our values to hold on to what we have?

How do we make these choices? What drives the choice we make at this point? I believe at this point we are called to make certain spiritual and possibly physical choices.

The next part of Joseph’s mission was one that should have brought a lot of regret and this is another point where I think we can miss the mark. The immediate consequence of Joseph refusing to conform and comply was that he got thrown into the prison.

I have come to represent prison as the sufferings, hardships, opposition etc we may face when we choose to step out of comfort, refuse to conform, choose to stick to truth, choose to go against the grain, choose to stay true to our values, choose courage etc.

I believe it is also easy to lose sight at this point because here we are suffering, after doing the courageous thing, the right thing, the unpopular thing etc. At this point, it is easy to say if only, had I known, I should have just done what everybody is doing, maybe I should go back and beg madam Potiphar and agree to her demands, I should have forgotten about this vision and just stick to what I have etc, now I have been demoted, I have been stripped of my status, I have been thrown into prison.

I believe the mental and emotional choices we make here in addition to the spiritual choices determines if we continue on our mission despite what is against us. It determines if we would decide to see the blessing and opportunities in being imprisoned, if we will continue to be of service, if we will continue to make our gifts and talents available for the good of others. The decision Joseph made to keep his faith, to use his gifts in circumstances of “pain” and hardship made him help the baker and butler which ultimately brought him before the king and to the point where his dreams as a little boy became actualized.

I wonder what if Joseph had lost hope during his “wait period” of so many years? What if he had become frustrated and depressed by the cycle of suffering and prosperity his life seemed to be? If it was in our present day, would he have been running from church to church? Pillar to post? Would he have “fixed himself up” by doing what everyone was doing.

In making choices, I have learnt that all our decisions are rooted in either faith or fear, whatever we allow to rule at every point, determines what we choose to do, and ultimately where we land.

I have learnt that we can only stay on our mission when we come to a point where we

1. Decide to remain committed to the call upon us (vision)
2. Decide that any decision rooted in fear is most likely not the right one.
3. Understand the “rhythm of our soul”, come into deep intimacy with our spirit, understand how God leads us and choose to stay courageous.

I am still learning a great deal about life, purpose, vision, paths, mission etc and I do not know what choices and challenges life would still bring my way, but the one thing I know is that there is no choice greater than choosing to answer the call of your vision and I continue to pray for the courage to always answer yes!!

What about you?

I went to Ekiti
Where I met my grandparents
E kule o I said as I knelt to greet them
K’abo my grandmother responded
Full of smiles to see me.

Soon I heard the sound of pestle hitting yam in the mortar
My grandmother gave me iyan and obe egusi
And as I looked upon the hills of my hometown
I asked what Ibiloye means
I saw my grandfather’s chest puff up with pride as he said to me

It means it is your birth or lineage that determines you are worthy of the throne

I saw why he was proud to have a name that sounded so noble
But what I search for is not thrones or titles
So, I continued on my journey.

I have within my veins the blood of the ancient city
So, I went to Ibadan
The birthplace of Olayinka
Where my mother comes from
I saw my grandparents
I went on knees and said e kasan baa mi agba, e kule maa mi agba.

My mother’s mother gave me amala with gbegiri and ewedu
And as I ate my amala and abula
I said grandfather, what does Olayinka mean?
My mother’s father said to me

It means wealth surrounds me

I said grandfather that is beautiful
To know I am surrounded by wealth
But what I search for is not riches or possessions
So, I continued on my journey.

At this point in my journey, I thought to myself
If Ekiti and Ibadan did not show me who I am
Then I must look inward to see what I can find.

Then I heard the voice
A very still small voice
It said continue on your journey
I will show you the way to go

I went the way the voice said to go
And soon I got to Calvary
It was at Golgotha
I found a very old cross
It was the cross on which
Jesus the Christ was hung
I placed my hand on the cross
And felt a force so great
It swept me off my feet
And caused my knees to bow

The force was so tangible
It was love in its purest form
And there I surrendered
To the truth of who I was.
Although I asked no questions
It was there I found my answer
It was at the cross
I found out who I was
When I met Christ my savior.

The voice said to me
Now you know who you are
I want you to know your purpose
So, I have one more stop for you

I went as it bid me
And soon I came to a tomb
A holy sepulcher
With its stone rolled away
I went inside the tomb
And saw that it was empty
The voice said Christ the Savior
Was buried here three days
On the third day He rose
And became Christ the Lord
And there I began my journey
To discover my mission
When I made Christ my Lord.

My parents named me Ayooluwa 
It means Joy of the Lord
Truly that has been my strength
As I go about my mission
I ride in the strength of that Joy
As I do my Lord’s bidding.

I am a soldier
And Christ is my Captain
I am a remnant
Rising from the ashes

If you ask me
What is your name?
I will tell you it is
Elizabeth Ayooluwa Ibiloye

But if you ask me
Who are you?
I will tell you
I am a Christian soldier
I’ve sworn allegiance to that old cross.

Now, I ask you
Who are you?