A while ago, I went to my apartment office and was discussing with one of the office assistants about my lease and choice of apartment and neighbors. When we were talking about my preferences, one of the things I mentioned was I would prefer not to have a neighbor with pets, specifically dogs. The assistant asked if I was allergic to pets and I said no, so he asked why I was quite adamant about not having a dog owner next door and I said I am afraid of dogs! He looked at me like I had two heads on my neck and said “Elizabeth your fear sounds really irrational.” I felt like he was judging me and said, well I had a run in with a dog when I was around 5 or 6 years old and since that time, I have had a terrible fear of dogs. He said well that’s probably over 20 years ago. Do you not think it’s time to get over that fear.

I left the office and started to reflect on my fear of dogs as I was going back to my apartment. I acknowledged that my fear of dogs was actually getting awkward because I lived in a community where a lot of people had dogs and I always looked funny trying to avoid these dogs! If I spotted a dog owner coming afar, I would turn and go another way even if it was longer, all I would be thinking about was this dog can bite me. Infact I had to acknowledge my fear of dogs was hampering my ability to enjoy walking or jogging on the running trail not far from my house, because a lot of people walked or ran with their dogs on it and I would rather take a walk or jog within my apartment complex early in the morning or at night, when I knew there was a lower risk for meeting dog walkers. I then remembered a situation where I had gone to visit some people and I screamed and nearly ran out of my seat when the owner’s dog came near me unexpectedly. When I put all these together, I realized my fear of dogs was not just putting me in situations where I had to avoid roads or places, it was also preventing from enjoying the running trail and was becoming embarrassing.

As I walked back, I started a discussion with myself. I would call this a discussion between me and my inner me.
Inner me; so I think it’s time we get rid of this fear
Me; I don’t love dogs anyway, I would just keep avoiding them.
Inner me: Well to overcome the fear of something is not the same as loving that thing.

I stopped in my tracks and said wow. I realized anytime I thought about overcoming my fear of dogs, I had thought of it as the same thing as needing to love dogs. However, I realized consciously for the first time, that I do not have to start with loving a thing to overcome my fear of it.

I then thought to myself, that this must have been my subconscious thought when I started to overcome my fear of public speaking. I reflected that anyone who sees me engaging in any form of public speaking would not realize there was a time I was mortified to stand in front of people to speak. Although I enjoyed having conversations with people, I would become nervous at the idea of standing in front of a group of people to speak, I would worry even about things that seem little, like my gesticulation. Infact there was a time when standing up to give vote of thanks in an extended family meeting would seem too much for me. I would write and prepare materials for outreaches and give it to someone else who felt better speaking to groups. This continued until the day I decided my fear of speaking in front of people had become a big hindrance and I said to myself, these people are also human beings like me, the issue is not that I am afraid of speaking, it is the public I am nervous about. It is that I am so concerned that the people I am speaking to perceive me in a certain way. So, I started to put myself up for speaking in front of people and although it was nerve wracking the first time I consciously did so, with time and experience, speaking in front of people has become a thing I actually love and enjoy doing and I recently found myself standing in place as an impromptu master of ceremony for an event. As for my gesticulation, I keep learning how to balance keeping my hands still when necessary and using my hands to emphasize the story my voice is telling.

When I got back into my apartment, I told myself, I think I am ready to start the challenge of tackling my dog fears, but I was not sure when I would start. Surprisingly, the next day I stepped into the courtyard of my college building and I saw a group of people with dogs and another conversation started with inner me
Inner me: so you know how you said yesterday that you were ready to tackle your dog fears?
Me: yesss?
Inner me: well your prayers have been answered, the dogs out there is a starting point.
Me (laughing to myself): when I said I was ready, I meant I was ready to start thinking about how to tackle it, not like I was ready to go near a dog or touch a dog immediately. I haven’t touched a dog in over 20 years, you don’t expect me to go from thinking about it last night to doing it today.
Inner me: Well, it is now or never
This argument continued until I finally said okay, let me try. This is a season where I am deciding daily to live as fearlessly as possible and I guess this has to be dealt with too. I stepped into the courtyard and kept staring at the dogs so scared, till one of the carers saw me and encouraged me to come closer. After some going back and forth, I ended up kneeling by this beautiful white dog with my heart beating so fast, then I ran my hands down its back once and again and again and in that moment, I felt the fear leave. The moment was so emotional for me, that the carers and students around me volunteered to take my picture to remind me of the day I lost my fear of dogs.

I have since continued to progress in my courage to remain unafraid of dogs. I no longer run away when I see them and my heart does not beat as fast again, nor do I start thinking of dog bite when I see a dog. Some dogs look more ferocious than others and those still make me pause for a minute but then I remind myself, you are no longer afraid of dogs. I do not yet consider myself a dog lover and I don’t know if I would become one in the future, but I know that some months prior to this time, I would have said I was highly terrified of dogs, but today I can say I am no longer afraid of dogs and that feeling of not been bound by the fear of a thing, no matter how small or great can actually be more empowering than the feeling of liking that thing, which may later on lead to loving it, as is the case with my public speaking.

Different people have different fears and we may not be able to overcome every single thing we are afraid of but when the fear of a thing begins to hinder us from certain things or experiences, then it is probably time to think of it in terms of what you would gain if you lose that fear and not just how to like or love that thing. For example, if your fear of driving has put you in a situation where you have to be so dependent on others to take you around or you have to take public transport if no one is around to drive you, then maybe it is time to stop thinking about how you don’t like driving, how you are afraid of driving or how you can come to like driving and start to think about what you would gain by overcoming that fear of driving.

What are some of the fears you have? Can you identify the ones that have become a sort of hindrance or keep you from progressing? Can you think of what you are likely to gain by overcoming them? Then take a step, no matter how little towards overcoming that fear.