At the age of 14, I knew what I wanted to be when I “grew up”. I had a vision and all I knew then that could put me on the path to that vision was to go to pharmacy school. It wasn’t necessarily that I was seeking to become a pharmacist (in the sense of the title and retail/hospital practice). It was more about what I was convinced I would eventually do. So at the age of 15, when it was time to start the process of making course and institution choices, my dad said Ayooluwa, what is your first and second choice. I answered pharmacy first choice, pharmacy second choice.

The look on my dad’s face was a mix between some confusion and some disappointment. He said what of medicine, I said no, I do not want to become a medical doctor. His responding look can only be described as “Is this my child?”

I understood the reason for his look, as the Nigerian society has some set career choices considered prestigious and medicine could be considered the king of them all. He then went on to say he had thought I would become a lawyer because of my inquisitive nature and analytical mind but I chose to go to science class, and so he told himself, well she would become a medical doctor, so my no was surprising to him, after all a lot of people dream of becoming medical doctors. My dad continued in Nigerian parent fashion, why would you not want to be a medical doctor? And he explained and explained the prestige that comes with being a medical doctor.

When he realized I was serious, he tried to convince me and tried to get my mum to intervene. I think my dad was much more surprised about the fact that I was clear about defending what I believed was for me, despite an option that seemed better than what that choice was. This sort of turned into a back and forth between I and him, and I kept telling him, if you do not send me to school, I will learn a trade and then make money to send myself to school. However, after a while, it became an issue of Ayooluwa be obedient, as I could not convince them to see the big picture my 14 year old mind had seen. I got to the point where I said okay, whatever he wants, but deep down I was not happy and I kept praying that if God truly showed me that picture, then he must find a way to make it obvious to my parents, so they would allow me. God did show up and my dad was the one who eventually said, she has to go to pharmacy school.

I still remember that period and I know that the only way I could have thought of standing up to my dad at that time was because I believed entirely and absolutely in what I was meant to do, even though at that time, it was not clear how I was going to get there. I knew deep within me, that this was not just an imagination, that this was a purpose bigger than me, and I had to fight for it.

14 years later, that goal/vision still remains the same, and it has only become clearer and more tangible. I have made choices that seem off course and found myself on paths that I thought was wrong. However with each passing day, life’s twists, turns, challenges and synchronicities have only shown me that my reasoning at that time was not a fluke or figment of my imagination. However, I have come to realize that the vision/purpose can be easily lost or buried and I could very well live a long life without attaining purpose.

What I have come to learn about the road to attaining purpose was from my study of the life of the biblical Joseph and I have summarized into two what I have come to understand:

1. I am not responsible for the vision/purpose.
2. I am responsible for the mission.

1. I believe that the vision for our lives is not an imagination or a wish, it is not of our own creation, rather it is the purpose for which our creator made us. Joseph did not “imagine” those dreams he had, he did not “formulate” his visions. Simply put, he was not responsible for creating the purpose of his life.

What I have also learnt from his vision was that, it was not revealed to him in its entirety, he was not told how he was going to get there, he was not told what exactly those dreams meant or how they would come to pass, but this did not mean his dreams were invalid. The second thing about his vision/purpose was that he was not necessarily the best or the first. Also, his vision brought him opposition, in fact his greatest opposition and betrayal came from the people closest to him, his blood brothers. Lastly, his vision made him suffer (slave to servant to prisoner).

These lessons have helped me stop questioning what I know to be my purpose, stop wondering when I face challenges, taunts or opposition and to understand that it is not about my qualifications or pedigree, it is solely about God’s design.

As much as I enjoyed learning about his vision, my deepest lessons came from his mission.

2. I believe that a mission is the journey or group of activities you take or make in order to achieve a purpose or vision. Joseph’s mission started in a manner that belied his vision entirely. The fact that he was sold into slavery by his own brothers was enough to make him give up, and forget the promise upon him. The next part of his mission is where I personally believe was one of his crucial decision point. Here was Joseph, former slave, now a servant and now elevated to run the entire house of Potiphar. In our present day terms, we would say he has “arrived”, his story has changed for good, former slave was now a big man.

I believe a lot of us get to this point and we abort our vision. We let our success become the enemy of our future success, we think we finally made it after all our suffering and slavery and so we become ready to “sell our souls” in order to hold on to what we think is our reward and purpose. We “sleep with Potiphar’s wife” in order to ensure we don’t lose the level of success we have attained.

I have come to represent sleeping with Potiphar’s wife as anything that causes us to go against our values, to make decisions rooted in fear, to do something because everybody is doing it, to follow the popular choice, to hold on to our comfort zone, to hold on to what we know, to do anything to remain in power etc.

I have thought and thought about this point in Joseph’s life, and sometimes I wonder what would have happened if he had slept with her, he may have secured his position as the head of Potiphar’s household, he would have been enjoying himself, he may have even had his “big man” status elevated, more lands, houses, cars etc but would that not have been where his story would end? would he have been able to make it to the palace? would he have been able to make it to the position where he would later be used to save his people during the famine? would he have achieved purpose? In fact would he not have been caught later and then disgraced? Would he not have fallen from grace to grass?

I believe the decision we make at this point in our mission determines whether we fulfill our vision or not. Do we leave the known for unknown? do we leave comfort for hardship? do we choose to follow what we know is our soul’s calling? or do we choose to compromise our values to hold on to what we have?

How do we make these choices? What drives the choice we make at this point? I believe at this point we are called to make certain spiritual and possibly physical choices.

The next part of Joseph’s mission was one that should have brought a lot of regret and this is another point where I think we can miss the mark. The immediate consequence of Joseph refusing to conform and comply was that he got thrown into the prison.

I have come to represent prison as the sufferings, hardships, opposition etc we may face when we choose to step out of comfort, refuse to conform, choose to stick to truth, choose to go against the grain, choose to stay true to our values, choose courage etc.

I believe it is also easy to lose sight at this point because here we are suffering, after doing the courageous thing, the right thing, the unpopular thing etc. At this point, it is easy to say if only, had I known, I should have just done what everybody is doing, maybe I should go back and beg madam Potiphar and agree to her demands, I should have forgotten about this vision and just stick to what I have etc, now I have been demoted, I have been stripped of my status, I have been thrown into prison.

I believe the mental and emotional choices we make here in addition to the spiritual choices determines if we continue on our mission despite what is against us. It determines if we would decide to see the blessing and opportunities in being imprisoned, if we will continue to be of service, if we will continue to make our gifts and talents available for the good of others. The decision Joseph made to keep his faith, to use his gifts in circumstances of “pain” and hardship made him help the baker and butler which ultimately brought him before the king and to the point where his dreams as a little boy became actualized.

I wonder what if Joseph had lost hope during his “wait period” of so many years? What if he had become frustrated and depressed by the cycle of suffering and prosperity his life seemed to be? If it was in our present day, would he have been running from church to church? Pillar to post? Would he have “fixed himself up” by doing what everyone was doing.

In making choices, I have learnt that all our decisions are rooted in either faith or fear, whatever we allow to rule at every point, determines what we choose to do, and ultimately where we land.

I have learnt that we can only stay on our mission when we come to a point where we

1. Decide to remain committed to the call upon us (vision)
2. Decide that any decision rooted in fear is most likely not the right one.
3. Understand the “rhythm of our soul”, come into deep intimacy with our spirit, understand how God leads us and choose to stay courageous.

I am still learning a great deal about life, purpose, vision, paths, mission etc and I do not know what choices and challenges life would still bring my way, but the one thing I know is that there is no choice greater than choosing to answer the call of your vision and I continue to pray for the courage to always answer yes!!

What about you?